Before the Dawn
by Chaotic Inverse
Summary: The sacrifice Lily made wasn't love but Alchemy. Now fifteen years later Harry Potter is suffering from a past life, as someone named Alphonse. Can Alchemy help him reveal the secrets behind these memories?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: **I had a story similar to this but it was to fast moving, had about a thousand plot holes and was completely horrible. But this was the first story I wrote so I thought it deserved to be rewritten. _______________________________________________________________________

"Brother?!" If he still had a beating heart it would have stopped at the sight of his older brother lying still on the floor of the ancient city.

"EDWARD!" Rose screamed coming out of her trance trying to run forward only to be stopped by Dante.

Envy let out a vicious smile. "that's right he's dead."

"Brother no you can't die….it's supposed to be me." Alphonse whispered, wishing that he could feel more than this pain. "Brother can't die!" he said firmly staring at the body as if willing it to move.

Alphonse struggled to sit up pushing gluttony away from him and ignoring Dante's anger. His brother would live. He'd make sure of that. "brother hasn't been dead long, he still has color on his face."

Dante's eyes widened in realization. "Don't be a fool you know what will happen." she said in desperation watching the boy who was trapped by armor.

He walked over to his brother, reaching one armored hand down to touch his face. It hurt staring at the almost pale face of his brother. "His soul's probably still at the gate. I just have to pull it back the same way he did for me." it didn't matter what happened to him, it was his choice. His decision and finally he was repaying them back.

Clapping his hands Alphonse felt the familiar feel of alchemy that was at times dangerous enough to kill him but wonderful enough create things that seemed like miracles. "this is for you brother." Alphonse smiled sadly from inside his suit of armor as a familiar and oddly comforting blue light filled the air. "I'll miss you."

_______________________________________________________________________

Somewhere else in a different place, in a different time a woman with long red hair was sobbing. Her arms were wrapped around a baby who was crying in frustration--they were about to die.

Lily Potter leaned against her son's crib feeling hopelessness and desperation over taker her. Her son, the only person she had left in her world was about to die with her for a childish prophecy.

James, her James was dead. He had died only minutes before trying to spare them a few minutes to an escape that wouldn't happen. Lily let out a watery gasp and wrapped her arms tighter around her baby as she heard the sound of slow footsteps coming up the stairs.

In her arms Harry cooed, trying to garner his mother's attention. Looking down at her son Lily knew she couldn't let him die. If it was the last thing she would do then she would insure her only child's survival.

Quietly but quickly she set Harry down on the floor ignoring his cries of protest. Pulling her wand from the spot on the floor she'd dropped it when she'd found out they were trapped she made a strange design. The drawing took up almost half the space of the floor and Lily grabbed Harry setting him down into the center, trying not to think of the pain this would cause her son. In the end it would be worth it.

With tears and a determined expression on her face Lily clapped her hands performing an art that was as old as magic itself. A blue and white light filled the room as Harry's crying grew an octave harder. When it faded Lily saw the sign that it had indeed worked and that her efforts had not been for nothing. A mark that would become a scar that was shaped like a lightning bolt was on Harry's forehead.

"I'm sorry." Lily whispered sliding back to floor and grabbing on to Harry. She hoped Dumbledore had realized what she had done. Heaven forbid if the man twisted her sacrifice to his own favors. She'd come back from the dead if he used everything she had worked for against her son.

The door opened and in stepped a man she had never met face to face but wanted to kill her all the same.

"Not Harry, please not Harry." she begged, her courage in being a Gryffindor and doing the ritual had disappeared. Lily knew Voldemort would not spare her son, all she could do know was hope that everything had not been for nothing.

"Step aside you foolish girl and I may let you live." The voice was cold, emotionless and fitting for someone who slaughtered and was covered in the blood of innocents.

Lily held her ground glaring defiantly at him and wrapping her arms that much tighter around her son, tight enough that Harry winced. "I would never be that much of a coward." what kind of parent wouldn't do anything to protect their child? Even give up their own life? That wasn't too much of a sacrifice in her opinion.

The Dark Lord smiled edging forward. "So be it." A jet of green light shot out the end of his wand heading toward the red-headed witch and her teary-eyed son.

The last thing Lily saw was Harry staring at her with wide eyes and she felt a little bit lighter knowing that he wouldn't remember this. Harry wailed when his mother felled to the floor dropping him in the process.

Voldemort stared down at the crying babe with thinly veiled interest. This pitiful crying child would be the one to stop him? Had Dumbledore finally gone mad once and for all?

"Avada Kedavra." he whispered bored, watching the green light of the killing curse hit the baby.

_____________________________________________________________________

"Al." Edward whispered as he disappeared from the gate.

"Edward can you hear me?" Rose asked leaning over the unconscious previously dead body of Edward Elric.

"Yeah." He shakily managed to stand up, noticing for the first time that tears were running down his face. He looked around completely focused on finding his brother. Where was Al? "But what am I crying for?"

"Al." Edward whispered in realization and shock. That foolish brother of his had sacrificed himself! For him, someone so unworthy of being alive.

Rose let out a watery smile her eyes sad as she clutched her baby closer. "he used alchemy to bring you back Ed after you died."

Edward let out a sob. "But what happened to him?" at seeing her look he shook his head. "Don't tell me he's gone Rose! Al! AL! Al!" he didn't care that he was whole, it didn't matter if Al wasn't here.

The alchemist looked around the room desperately yelling for his younger brother and startling Rose's baby in the process. Rose's eyes were sad as she watched him desperately cling to something that wasn't there.

"You've got strong legs Edward get up and use them." Rose whispered as she left carrying a broken Wrath with her. She wondered if this would be the last time she would see him and that thought depressed her as much as anything else had happened today.

Edward smiled as she left. " From what Hohenheim has told me, Al's whole body and mind should still be there, his soul too. Maybe life has no equal trade, maybe you can give up all you got without getting anything back…but still I have to try." he closed his eyes and clapped his hands together. "Al."

When the bright light disappeared a now unconscious Edward Elric was still there covered in alchemic symbols. A chain of tears was on his face, knowing that it hadn't worked.

At that same time the woman known as Lily Potter's sacrifice had been completed. A life for a life… hers for her son's.

"Avada Kedavra." The Dark Lord whispered and the light hit the child only for it to changed. the same blue and white light that had surrounded Harry minutes ago reappeared.

The killing curse bounced back, Lily's sacrifice being accepted as payment for her son. Voldemort's screams echoed through the house as Albus Dumbledore arrived at the Potter residence too late to save anyone even the now resting baby on the floor surrounded by ashes and a dark cloak.

_____________________________________________________________________

Four years later in a house that looked like all the others on it's street little Harry Potter stealthily made his way to the kitchen. It was barely five in the morning and only now was dawn beginning to rise. Light filtered in the windows and Harry cherished it, wishing that his cupboard could be as light.

The five year old often waited hours until he deemed it safe enough to steal a stray piece of bread or whatever leftovers he could get without his relatives noticing. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon didn't like it when he stole food. Even if he was hungry, and Dudley (Harry's cousin who resembled more a whale than Harry) took whatever food he wanted all the time.

In fact none of his family resembled him in the slightest, even Aunt Petunia who he was related to by blood. While Harry had inky black hair and strange green almost catlike eyes. Petunia had blonde hair, a long neck and was always nosy about things that rarely concerned her. Vernon resembled a walrus with a mustache and his face often turned purple when ever he was angry, which was most of the time. Dudley while the same age as Harry towered over him and most of the other children in their grade, resembling a giant beach ball or a small whale.

'_Creak.' _the boy jumped looking around with evident panic on his face. He knew what would happen if his Uncle found him and it wouldn't be very pretty.

Waiting a few minutes he walked forward until he was in the kitchen. Harry quietly opened the handle of the fridge and grabbed whatever amount of food he could without it seeming suspicious. He was lucky, his aunt had cooked a large dinner so no one would notice if he stole a little more than usual.

Carrying exactly three pieces of cheese, a small scrap of ham and as many slices o bread as he could handle he walked the long trek to his cupboard. In reality it wasn't a very long walk at all. Just past the living room and stop before you reach the front door but to Harry who's every nerves were stringed with fear and panic it felt like the longest path in existence.

He let out a sigh of relief when he got in without hearing the sound of his uncle's heavy footsteps on the stairs. Harry's stomach gurgled and he only ate a small piece of the bread. He knew from experience that if you at too much after not eating for a long time then it wouldn't stay down.

Food was not his only issue though it was an important one. Surprisingly for the first time in what seemed like years Harry had fallen asleep while waiting for his family to go to bed. A rookie mistake. Harry scowled thinking about it as he leant back against his cot. One that might have made him starve until the next night or even longer than that.

Falling asleep hadn't been his only problem. What came with it was though. Dreams that seemed so real but couldn't be for in them he was mostly happy and life with the Dursley's--his life was never a happy one. Occasionally hits, slaps that left his skin red and sometimes even broken bones made up his life. Not happiness, never happiness.

The dreams despite the fact that he knew they couldn't be real made him hope all the more. Sometimes he'd dream of his parents or at least he suspected they were his parents. A pretty woman with long auburn hair holding him, a man with dark hair and glasses spinning him around as two other men watched amused in the background. He didn't always dream of his parents though.

Sometimes his dreams were filled with things that he _knew _weren't real. A boy with blonde hair and golden eyes who could make things appear out of thin air. This boy was in almost every dream he'd ever had. The boy was almost always smiling or smirking and Harry felt comforted seeing his face even though he'd never met this strange stranger.

Dreams turned into nightmares and so did Harry's. His parents dying as the car hit their own. Their screams forever imprinted upon his mind were one of the only memories Harry had of them. The dreams with the boy turned darker too. A woman dying, a funeral and then planning. For something that Harry knew but didn't understand. The boy screaming as one of his arms and legs were torn off by these things that were scarier than anything Harry had ever seen dream or otherwise. And the boy was always screaming for him except…it wasn't his name that he was screaming. It was something else.

_Alphonse _

Harry had never heard of such a strange name though it felt familiar almost as comforting as his baby blanket, the only thing he had of his short life with his parents.

Thinking about the dreams, the golden-eyed boy and even that name only managed to hurt Harry's head every time he thought about it. Suddenly he wasn't as hungry as he had been minutes ago and in an act that he would regret later he pushed the only food he had to the floor. Closing his eyes he drifted of to an uneasy sleep filled with bright lights, laughter and a boy screaming a name that wasn't his own.

"Get up Boy!" His aunt wrapped on the door to his room, the door to Dudley's former second bedroom one more time before Harry heard her quiet footsteps walk down the stairs.

Blearily sixteen year old Harry Potter opened his eyes to be greeted by the sight of his ceiling and not the nightmare he had previously experiencing. How strange he thought getting dressed, to have a nightmare about having nightmares. But then again when had Harry Potter ever been not strange? He was just happy that he's dream hadn't once again revolved around Sirius or the fact that Harry was a murderer. But still…

He couldn't shake the familiarity of those dreams. It had seemed real, just as real as everything else in his life. Harry felt an attachment to those childhood dreams, the one with the blonde-haired boy. Growing up those had been some of his only comforts, to escape the harsh reality of the world he lived in. But he had to put them away, you couldn't focus on the past when his future was in danger.

Resisting the urge to fall asleep Harry wondered if this was a problem. To have nightmares that disturbed his sleep, his eating pattern. Nightmares that were to vivid to be just dreams, things his subconscious had made up. Was there a disorder for something like that? To be too imaginative. It'd be fitting that he of all people would have such a ridiculous disease.

"BOY!!" His Uncle shouted impatiently waiting for his breakfast though Harry wondered if he was taking that long then why didn't the man just cook it himself? Of course his uncle was rarely logical and in fact just loved the chance to yell.

"Coming." He shouted before hurriedly changing into a pair of clothes. A ripped up t-shirt and a worn out pair of jeans, both of which had been Dudley's hand-me-downs and were much to large on his skinny frame.

"Don't shout at me!" his Uncle shouted back just defeating his own logic and Harry couldn't help but shake his head as he walked down stairs. Thank god he wasn't related to that man by blood.

"Sorry." He apologized as he walked over to the stove and immediately started to cook some eggs. the fast thing he could think of, because after all if Vernon was late who would he blame but Harry?

Vernon scowled and instead grabbed the morning paper and proceeded to read it. Harry was just amazed that his Uncle had learned how to read in his absence.

"I expect all of your chores to be done by six today boy." Vernon growled out without looking up knowing that Harry would be listening. That damn boy always listened to what he said.

Harry nodded without really paying attention, neither focusing on his uncle ranting nor the eggs. He could cook in his sleep if he had to, and years of experience did often have him cooking in the middle of the night when he was half-asleep with either drowsiness or pain-riddled injuries.

"an important client and potential partner for Guinnings is coming over." his Uncle continued.

Once again the wizard nodded. Important client that meant Harry would be in his bedroom for the entire night trying to be as silent as possible and pretending once again the he didn't exist.

_No you can't die…it's supposed to be me! _Harry's hand which had been reaching for the handle of the frying pan twitched in shock along with the rest of him at hearing the voice inside his head landed on the stove causing him to hiss in pain.

"Dad! Harry's burning the eggs." Dudley said not even caring about the fact that his cousins hand was blood red and looking very burned. Harry shot him a glare and then glared at the stove.

"BOY!"

Yes it was a usual day in the Dursley household.

Half an hour later found Harry outside dragging a sack of fertilizer over to his aunt's flowerbed, Harry once again taking care of it. This had to be the only chore he didn't mind, he got to have some sun and he was alone. Away from Dudley and his gang who's favorite sport and pastime was still 'Harry hunting'. Besides it helped him pass herbology though not to the extent of Neville who was naturally gifted with plants or Hermione who studied whatever she could.

Still he felt more at peace surrounded by the plants. Harry was never really comfortable around people. Always put off by the staring and their preconceived attitudes about him, like Snape. He'd seen the memory of his father and admittedly he would have been just like Snape in that scenario but no one saw that but him. People, wizards especially only saw what they wanted to see. Not what was really there. The wizarding world wanted a savior, a champion and defender for the light side so that's what the saw. They didn't see a fifteen year old boy who was far to scrawny, not as confident as he seemed and didn't have an ounce training save for the things they taught at school. And he was supposed to be their hero?

Harry snorted, the wizarding world sure was blind sighted.

"Boy! Stop laying about and get back to work." Petunia shot poking her long neck and head through the window to shout at him. Harry nodded though he thought it hypocritical considering her own son was laying about watching mindless TV shows.

'_Meow.' _For the second that day Harry jumped luckily this time Harry didn't have anything to burn himself with, unfortunately the spade in his hand jerked upward making a small cut on his pale skin.

"Damn it." he cursed nursing his sore hand while looking around for the source of the noise. What was it with him and being so jumpy today? Was it his natural skittish nature or had his paranoid fears come true? The world was out to get him.

'_Meow.' _A small tabby cat walked forward lazily batting at some of the plants. Harry smiled as it came closer. He'd always liked cats more so than dogs, though that may have been that most of the dogs he'd met had either chased him or bit him.

"hey little guy." The cat, a kitten really rubbed up against him purring as it did. The cat was small with yellow almost orange fur and had bright gold eyes that watched him eagerly.

Looking around Harry pulled out a small piece of toast that he'd taken for a snack (lunch) knowing it was irrational he gave the scrap to the cat. "You know your pretty cute." the cat's purring increased as he scratched the kitten. "I wish I could keep you but I can barely keep Hedwig and she's pretty independent anyway."

"Meow." the cat yowled out happily and then curled into a ball by Harry's feet.

Harry laughed and continued gardening ignoring the sharp but dulling pain in his hand. He was use to accidents like that. Or things that could have been called "accidents" but really weren't.

The sun was setting when Harry had finally finished all of his chores, covered in sweat, dirty and everything else. The kitten had dutifully followed after him as he finished chore after chore.

Now Harry was sitting at the step of the Dursley household debating whether he could actual take care of a kitten. "I don't think I can keep you--the Dursley's barely tolerate Hedwig." He whispered sadly, scratching the top of the cat's head.

Vernon would be home soon and Harry knew he'd better be inside before that or else he'd be in trouble.

_Al be rational we don't have the means to care for it, you can't pick up any stray you see. _This time Harry didn't jump, he was no longer surprised by the voices in his head or the fact that his sanity was slowly shattering.

He spared a look around and the scooped up the kitten and walked inside the house. It was worth it.

"And you boy where will you be?" Vernon asked and Harry couldn't help but notice how ironic and familiar this situation was. This had happened once before with another important client and his wife. Of course Harry had to deal with Dobby, a house elf who worried a little too much for his safety. To put things shortly it hadn't ended well and Harry had no wish to repeat events.

"Upstairs being as quiet as I possibly can." He said in a monotone.

Vernon nodded assuredly. "to right you will."

A while after that, after Harry had helped set the table and clean he was excused to go to his room. The kitten was asleep on his bed and Hedwig trilled as he entered the room. Harry smiled and walked over to her cage, feeling just a bit better. "Hey girl, how are you doing?" A soft hoot drew his attention away from his only companion.

A tawny-haired away was flying just against the window waiting impatient for him to answer. As quickly and silently as he could he ran to the window pulling it up and grabbing the mail through the bars.

The letter was short, blunt and to the point.

**Harry, **

**Does your scar hurt?**

**No matter what do not leave the Dursley residence. **

**-The order.**

Harry scowled crumpling it up and throwing it against the wall. They could have at least asked him how he was doing. Almost no contact the entire summer and all he got were one sentence letters! They weren't even signed half the time.

"Can you believe them?" He asked the kitten before sitting back on the bed.

"And they always ask me about why I'm so hostile." he complained, resting his head against his arms.

To be honest he was surprised he wasn't more angry. But then again lately his infamous temper had become shorter. Whenever he got angry his rage rarely lasted and he never stayed angry or held a grudge for long. It annoyed him. He was changing and he didn't even know why.

Lately though a lot of things were changing and he wasn't sure of he liked it.

"What should I name you little guy?" He had in fact confirmed that the kitten was a guy cat much to his embarrassment.

The kitten meowed in protest and he couldn't help but laugh. "Alright maybe I shouldn't call you little guy." he teased.

_Who are you calling so small you need a magnifying glass to see?!_

His eyes widened as the perfect named for the tempered yellow kitten came to him. "Edward." he smiled when the cat perked up. "I don't really know why I chose that name but I think it fits you."

The kitten now named Edward meowed in approval and then curled up against his new owner.

"It's going to be one long night." he says quietly and then proceeds to count all the cracks on the ceiling.

Everything had been going in Harry's favor until it happened. Vernon was successfully making a deal with his clients. Petunia's dinner or more realistically Harry's had gone off with a bang and Dudley hadn't squished anyone…yet. It had been a pleasant but dull evening until the nightmares started.

When Harry woke up to the purpled beet colored face of his Uncle he knew he was in trouble he just couldn't remember why. The last thing he remembered was the veil. And Sirius falling with more grace though it seemed an awkward kind into the veil. His face frozen with fear and disappointment. _why hadn't Harry saved him? _

"BOY! What is the matter with you? You do not suddenly start yelling when I was just about to finish the deal!" His Uncle hissed out making a swipe for Harry's neck with his meaty hands.

_Screaming?_ Harry backed away until his head hit the wall and Edward growled in response, his fur puffing out.

He hadn't even realized he had been screaming, didn't know why he'd be screaming unless it was for Sirius to come back.

_SIRIUS! DON'T LEAVE ME! _

"Well Boy what do you have to say for yourself?" His uncle demanded to know shifting so that Harry could see his Aunt passively standing in the corner next to his smirking cousin.

He's going to beat me. Harry realized, his heart was practically pounding in his chest. This time he might even kill me.

"It was a nightmare how am I supposed to control what I dream?" Harry spat out smartly and held his ground bracing himself for the hit. He hadn't been hit since the summer he turned eleven. It had all stopped, the beatings, the neglect, all of it after becoming a wizard. Why would it suddenly start up now? Harry wondered as his uncle stepped toward him.

The hit even though he was expecting it sent him reeling and he hit the floor with a small cry of pain. Through bleary eyes he looked at his aunt who refused to even glance at him. Harry's arms came up to block his face as Vernon delivered the next hit and the next one after that.

Why aren't you doing anything? Harry wanted to scream out at her. He was her nephew, someone who she was supposed to look after not just allow her husband to abuse and use him like a punching bag. His aunt, the only remaining link to his mother and to his family truly didn't care about him. That thought made him numb--that he had no one even his family to depend on.

_Al and I realized that if we don't take care of each other then no one else will. _

Green eyes snap open and Harry jumps away at the last second influenced by something he doesn't understand. Maybe it's the anger at being treated this way for so long or the depression about Sirius's death. Maybe it's something else entirely. Whatever it is he uses and brings his foot up.

Vernon flies back more from shock than the actual kick itself. "You brat! You kicked me." if he was angry before than he's enraged now.

Harry jumps away from him landing in a crouch with far more grace than he thought he had.

"Get over here!" the mammoth of a man shouts his face now turning an infuriating shade of red.

Staring at this man that's supposed to be his uncle all Harry can feel is his childhood indignities tearing up inside of him. This man who was supposed to take care of him barely even gave him food. He forced Harry to work like a house elf while his lard son sat around doing nothing.

_Honestly Uncle Vernon I don't know how Mrs. Katierr's hair turned blue. _that time he head been six and his injuries were severe enough that he had stay home for a day.

_I was just trying to hide behind the garbage can I don't know how I got so high. It's not like I can fly. _He got more hits that week than any other for assuming that he could fly.

"No."

"What? What did you say to me?" Vernon snapped, staring at the bleeding boy on the floor with wide eyes.

Shakily Harry stood up, ignoring the pain in his chest. "I said no, I'm tired of this I'm not staying here just to let you throw me around." Wincing he grabbed Hedwig's cage and then grabbed Edward before heading downstairs the Dursley's following him.

"You can't leave!" Petunia spluttered as he grabbed his trunk from his former bedroom. His wand, his books and everything else that he owned lay inside. Right now he was just lucky that the Dursley's hadn't destroyed it.

"Why not it's not as if you want me here." He said sarcastically trying to move around his aunt who was blocking the front door.

"To right we don't." Vernon looked almost happy that his burden would be gone.

"B-because that man! _he _said you couldn't leave, that we can't let you leave." she said in protest, thinly veiled disgust evident on her face and in her tone.

"Who?" Harry asked sharply.

"That man forced us to take you in." She continued. "Made us take care of you, him and his damn hypnotic eyes."

Harry's eyes widened in realization. "Dumbledore made you take care of me?" his voice was strangled.

She nodded sharply. "For fourteen years we've had you in our home and all because of him."

Vernon wrapped his arm around her. "Come on Pet, it's not our fault if the brat leaves."

The wizard sighed. "I'm going to leave, if _they _ask tell them I'm heading to Ron's." everyone knew which _they _he was talking about. The order and apparently his biggest betrayers.

He didn't say good bye, didn't rant about how unfair they had been to him or do anything else that could be considered emotional and a final goodbye he just left. Walked out the door carrying Hedwig in her cage, Edward in his arms and his trunk trailing behind him.

Harry didn't stop walking until he got to the nearest playground, he set Hedwig's cage down and leaned the trunk against a tree. "Where am I supposed to go?" He asked Edward who was batting at his sleeve.

"It's not like I can go to Ron's and there's no way I'm going back to Grimmauld Place." that house had too many memories, of Sirius and everything else that had happened last year.

_Some memories aren't meant to leave traces. _

"And there's that voice again." Harry groaned. "I'm talking to my cat and I'm hearing voices." like Ron had said even in the wizard world hearing voices that weren't there wasn't normal.

Edward meowed in response.

Harry sat up pulling the cat with him and grabbing Hedwig's cage before walking back to the main street of Privet drive. He was stopped in his tracks when he saw the Dursley house. Aurors and Wizards were scattered around the house and he recognized that at least half of them were Order members.

"Well I guess going back there is out of the option." he muttered sarcastically before continuing his walk down the street. Whatever his plans about going back there or heading to any place the Order knew about had clearly been thrown out the window.

He waited until he was at the next street over before pulling out his wand and sticking it straight into the air. A long bus appeared instantly out of nowhere in front of him. He smiled as he stepped on. "Leaky Cauldron." he told the unknown conductor.

The leaky Cauldron was mostly empty when he walked in. a few customers, a drunk man moaning about something and a shrieking witch singing out a song about heartbreak on the radio next to Tom. Harry kept his head low as he walked over to the counter pulling out a few galleons as he did.

"I need a room until the beginning of the term." that would only be what a few weeks? Two maybe? Harry calculated quickly in his head.

Tom nodded his mind not clicking this misfit dirt-covered teen with the famous and familiar to everyone, Harry Potter. "That'll be ten galleons a week."

Harry nodded curtly making sure his voice was still in that same quiet whisper. "thank you." Tom told him to go to the third room on the left side.

It was small and looked the same as the room he had rented in his third year. To Harry though it was a temporary home, a safe place. And he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He wasn't sure how he felt about anything.

Today had started off so normal.

Harry to do everyone else's chores. Normal check.

Harry was sent to his room. Normal check.

Harry heard strange voices. Not normal.

Said voices somehow influenced Harry to stand up for himself. Not normal.

He groaned, thinking overload. "okay maybe I should deal with this tomorrow?" Edward curled up next to him and Hedwig hooted in response. "your right that might be a good idea." he said feeling more tired and cheerful than he had been a few minutes ago.

"Goodnight." Harry told them quietly before closing his eyes and resting his head against the pillow. He was asleep before half a second had even passed.

"_Brother!" hands grasped at his legs, arms, any part of him that they could grab. His limbs were disappearing. He was disappearing and there was Ed on the floor bleeding. _

_Ed looks shocked, his face paralyzed. "Al." he whispered and then his eyes widen and one of his hands shoot out to grab his brother's. _

"_AL!" Their hands are almost touching when the black things pull him away and back into that dark place. _

"_This wasn't supposed to happen." the blonde whispers. _

_The next thing Al knows that he's not in the same body, he feels cold and metallic and lying on the floor in a pool of blood one of his arms and legs missing is his brother a helpless look on his face. _

"_Al."_

Harry gasps sitting up in his bed, sending Edward sprawling to the floor. "Just a dream." he muttered, shaking his sweat soaked hair. "Maybe I should invest in some dreamless sleep potion?" he wondered wryly out loud.

This time he didn't--couldn't fall asleep as easily. Thoughts were racing through his mind. Who were those boys? The ones he knew so well but didn't. and why did these dreams keep happening? He shouldn't have been so influenced by something that didn't exist.

The one thing he couldn't help but think was if the Daily Prophet did ever find out about this then they wouldn't have to make up stories about him being crazy--it'd be true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: **I should be working on Freedom's wings or any of my other stories but I just feel like a Full metal Alchemist thing. Thanks to Starlight0017 for being the first reviewer.

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_A week after Harry's checked into the leaky cauldron. _

"God this is boring." Harry mutters taking another lick of his ice cream. At his feet Edward meows in agreement. To Harry's amusement the cat doesn't drink milk but it does hunt--incessantly. In fact that's the only the that's amusing or even slightly interesting. For the first time in years he finally has a free summer and what does he do? Sit around eating ice-cream while watching his cat. At this rate he just knows that he'll be like Mrs. Figg in the future.

"At least I don't have photo albums yet." he mused out loud.

"Harry?" His head shot up fast as he looked around for whoever had spotted him, he hoped it wasn't a journalist. Inwardly he was cursing this was why he should have disguised himself. Even if he wasn't allowed to do it magically he could have used muggle means to hide.

"It is you." Neville walked over a grin on his face and Harry visibly relaxed in his seat as Neville sat down. He resisted the urge to frown. What was Harry doing in Diagon Alley? And more importantly why wasn't he at least attempting to hide? It had been easy to recognize the teen. All he had to do was see that recognizable messy hair and he instantly knew.

"Funny never thought I'd see you in Diagon Alley when your supposed to be on house arrest." Neville teased, as he ordered his own ice cream.

Harry hide a grin, of course Neville knew he was supposed to be on 'house arrest' after all he wrote letters to Neville and all his friends at least once a week. "I decided I wanted a break…" he trailed off.

Neville laughed. "So you just left?" it seemed like something Harry would do.

" What was I supposed to do? Stay locked up inside the entire summer as if." Harry replied back taking another bite of his ice cream.

"You should have at least disguised yourself, I recognized you almost immediately." Neville pointed out frowning.

"How was I supposed to do that? I can't do magic freely until the end of July." Harry argued. "And where was I going to get a muggle disguise? It'd look ridiculous in the wizard world."

Harry smiled resting his head and arms on the table. "It's not like anyone that doesn't really know will recognize me. They recognize, my scar and my eyes--as long as I keep my head down and wear a hat I should be fine."

Neville looked around. "Where's your hat then?"

Absently Harry pointed down to Edward who was chewing or more likely trying to destroy Harry's hat. "the bloody things been trying to tear it to shreds for the past hour."

Neville let out a short laugh and then looked at Edward before laughing again. Harry scowled at him, it really wasn't that funny. "You, Harry James Potter." he whispered in a quiet voice between gasps. "Have a cat--who's acting like a miniature Crookshanks'."

Harry rolled his eyes. "maybe it is a little funny." _and ironic _he conceded.

"Want to go to the bookstore?" Neville asked as they finished their ice cream.

It didn't take Harry long to decide his answer. "Sure if I can get my hat back from this little beast." he said glancing down at Edward who was staring at him innocently, annoyed he reached down to grab the damn hat only to jerk his hand back.

"He bit me!" Harry exclaimed glaring daggers at his cat.

For the second time in less than five minutes Neville started laughing. Harry scowled at both the cat and his dorm mate. He didn't know whether he wanted to go back to being bored or just deal with what was left of his day.

Smiling Neville grabbed the hat and the now purring cat both of which he handed to Harry who continued to scowl as he jerked out on his head.

"Are you still pouting?" Neville asked as they narrowly dodged a hurrying wizard, it seemed like everyone was in a hurry these days.

Harry frowned looking away, he was not pouting damn it! "I'm not pouting damn it." he protested his face turning red. Just when it seemed like he was doing well acting mature (well not really mature from the Order's point of view he supposed) and now he was back to his old attitude.

The Bookstore wasn't as big as Flourish and Botts, it was smaller and Neville assured him it was just as good only cheaper than the regular bookstore. Shrugging Harry walked into the store dressed in his oh so clever disguise.

"I'll be in the herbology section." Neville told him before practically racing off leaving a laughing Harry.

Harry sighed, brushing some of his unruly hair away from his face. He'd never been the bookish type that was Hermione's job. In primary school he'd been a good enough student, trying as best as he could to pass his classes while not upstaging Dudley.

The thought that raced through his mind was sudden and unexpected. "Neville?" He called out knowing the other boy would here him, after all they aside from the clerk were the only ones in here. "Do they have a section about Alchemy?"

From behind a dusty bookshelf Neville's head popped up. "What? Alchemy it's in the lesser magics section which is two bookshelves over." Harry hide his surprise and happiness that Neville didn't even ask why. If he had been with Ron and Hermione they'd be all over him like wild jobs.

"Neville are you turning into Hermione?" He asked making his way over to the bookshelves.

He heard a laugh. "Real funny Harry." was his dry and witty reply.

Harry grinned and then his eyes widened when he saw "the lesser magics section."

Despite being called the lesser magics section it was not lesser in anyway. Books, hundreds maybe even thousands of books were decorating the shelves. Not just books about magic either. Books about Science and Mathematics. "Whoa." he whispered. This would be like paradise for Hermione.

The first thing he was drawn to was a book by Nicholas Flamel. The only alchemist that Harry had ever met. He wondered why Alchemist and other magics then the normal kind he was use to seemed so uncommon. All of the magic he'd known was the kind people like Dumbledore taught. Light and Dark. In most wizard's case that was all there was. He'd never really believed any different until now.

Alchemy? How? Why had he even thought about that?

Shaking his head at the weirdness of it all he grabbed the book by Flamel and then on impulse grabbed other books, not all of them about alchemy or even magic in general. By the time Neville came to find him they were both sheepishly smiling, carrying large stacks of books in their arms.

"I guess we're both turning into Hermione." Neville joked as the wide-eyed clerk rang up their order.

"Harry? Can I ask you a question?" they were outside the shop and though it was early the streets were nearly empty.

Absently almost lazily he nodded his head not really paying attention. "Were your relatives that bad this year?" Harry froze on the spot. What was he supposed to do? Lie? He couldn't tell the truth. No one ever believed the truth.

"It was more the fact that I had to get out of there, I have to learn how to protect myself and I cant do that cooped up in that house." He said easily realizing that it was a very good lie. He probably should learn how to defend himself, it's not like he could just cast Expelliarmus and hope everything worked out somehow.

Neville nodded looking a bit surprised. Harry was really maturing wasn't he? "That's good that your trying to learn how to fight." he told him cheerfully wondering why Dumbledore or other Order Members such as Moody hadn't suggested it.

"Yeah I just have to find someone to teach me." Harry juggled the stack of books and Edward who was trying to grab onto his hat.

Neville frowned. "I have to leave but tell you what I'll ask my Gran and she if she knows anyone."

Harry smiled at his friend. "Thanks Neville." his tone was sincere and honest making Neville brighten, he'd help Harry someway or another.

"It's not a problem." Neville told him happily and then almost sighed when he heard a familiar voice call him. "Sorry Harry that's Gran." he gave his friend a wave before running over to the strict and imposing woman.

Harry laughed and went back to the leaky cauldron, a content look on his face. It had been a nice peaceful day--he hoped it lasted.

Tom greeted him as he walked in. "Hello Evan." of course it's not like he could use his real name. If he did Dumbledore would be on him faster than a hungry hippogriff.

"One shot of Fire Whiskey." so what if he was to young to drink? Evan Thomson wasn't. and for the rest of the summer he was Evan Thomson. Tom nodded and Harry set the books and Edward down letting his aching arms rest.

He couldn't help but notice the conversation that two gossipy witches were having right next to him. "Did you hear the latest news?" one of them, a witch with sandy colored hair chatted.

The other witch took a sip of her drink. "No? what is it?"

"The ministry thinks that Harry Potter has been kidnapped by Death Eaters." she said in a dramatic tone.

The second witch's eyes widened. "Kidnapped when?"

The first witch smiled, happy that she had caught her friend's attention. "Well Rita Skeeter in her column wrote that sometime last week the boy went missing without a trace."

Harry resisted the urge to snort. Kidnapped? Leave it the Order and the Aurors to screw it up. How the hell could they think he was kidnapped? He practically told them he was leaving. Maybe the Order was simply naïve, to think that he'd let them control him. It was his choice and he had been the one to make it.

"Couldn't he have just ran away?" the second witch asked confused.

In response her friend rolled her eyes. "No you fool, he's the boy-who-lived why would he run away?"

The teen at the other side of the bar frowned. That was what people thought of him? Just because he was the boy-who-lived he couldn't leave? couldn't have a life? How the hell was that fair? Then again nothing in his life proved to be fair. Every time it seemed like he got something good, a retribution for his suffering it was taken away. The chance to live with Sirius. Taken away before it could even be realized. His parents, Cedric, Sirius--they had been taken away simply for a payment. Harry Potter was cursed and the ones he knew, the ones he cared about would always be taken away. He wondered how long it would be before his freedom was taken away too. Who would have to die for that?

A glass of Fire Whiskey was placed in front of him a long with a sandwich. "You looked Hungry." Tom explained at the curious look the teen sent him.

Harry nodded in thanks but didn't touch his plate instead he downed his fire whiskey feeling depressed. And the day had been going so well. For some reason it didn't taste as good as he expected it too. Sighing he grabbed his books and walked upstairs towards his room. He had a lot of reading to do.

"_It's all my fault…Al." the blond boy on the floor stared at what would be almost considered human. His left leg was gone, a stump left behind but he barely noticed the mind blowing pain. _

_He wanted to reach out to tell the boy who was really just a child that it would be okay but he stopped in his tracks. He didn't know how to comfort anyone. He tried anyway knowing he needed to help this boy, save him. "it'll be okay." he tried to say, but the words were stuck. He couldn't talk, couldn't move and could barely feel. Numbness suck in. _

_What was happening to him?_

_The boy had a determined look on his face and a bright light covered the room blinding him. When he could safely open his eyes, the dream had changed into a nightmare. A familiar one. _

_It was the battle at the ministry. _

_Bellatrix casts the spell, and a jet of light hit her cousin. She laughed. He hated that laugh. _

_Sirius stared at him as he fell into the veil his eyes wide with shock and pleading. 'help me.' he mouthed. _

_Before he could fall into the arch, something happened. His body was dissolving, his face burning away like Quirrell's had in first year. The invisible fire spread destroying his godfather and turning him into ashes. _

"_No! Sirius!" he tried to scream out, tried to run to him. He had to save Sirius. _

_Arms held him, keeping him from his godfather. _

_The nightmare changed again. Instead of a burning Sirius the blond boy was there smiling at him sadly. _

_The arms that held him weren't Remus's. they were black and small like a child's. _

_He screamed as they pulled him away from the boy. "BROTHER!"_

Green eyes snapped open and Harry sat up gasping, his dark hair clung to his sweaty face and he choked back the scream in his throat. A tap at the window was the final thing that brought him away from the cruel nightmare.

Hedwig hooted and then flew in the open window, Harry suddenly realized that the room was freezing. Odd considering that it was almost the middle of July. "Hey girl." he said softly wincing at the sound of his raspy voice.

The snowy owl glanced at the cat on the floor and then landed on his outstretched arm, nipping at her master's finger gently.

What had just happened? Harry wondered as the owl flew back to her cage. The dream-no- the nightmare had seemed so real…almost like a memory. As soon as that thought crossed his mind he shook his head. He had no siblings, though growing up had always wanted one. Someone to play with who would never treat him like the Dursley's. unfortunately Lily and James Potter had only Harry and he was left with Dudley's wonderful company growing up.

Harry closed his eyes and then opened them, restless. He couldn't go to sleep, he probably wouldn't sleep for the rest of the night. The all to real fear of oncoming Nightmares was enough to keep him awake.

He was no beginner to nightmares. His childhood had been filled with them, nightmares of green lights and cruel laughter, dreams that had unknowingly been about his parents death. As he grew older they changed, becoming like the one he had earlier. The nightmares about the boy had never included Sirius though. Nightmares that involved Sirius just involved Sirius and his death at Harry's hands. He couldn't understand why two of his fears had mixed. Harry wondered if that made it all the more scary.

After that first night at the Leaky Cauldron the nightmares had stopped. Harry hadn't question why, he had just been happy that he didn't have to deal with them. He couldn't imagine what had triggered them to start again. "I need to deal with this." his quiet determined voice echoed in the empty and cold room.

"How am I supposed to deal with this?"

_Just give him back! _

Harry's eyes widened as he heard the voice in his head, it rang in his ears and sounded as familiar as his own. Holding his breath, he waited. The room was silent except for the sound of the wind blowing outside.

"Nothing!" he whispered. "what's going on with me?" even for him hearing strange voices and having equally strange nightmares wasn't normal. Was this because of Voldemort or something else that was just as dangerous? Why couldn't he have a normal life.

_Please! You have to help him…he's dying! _

Harry didn't hold his breath this time and instead grabbed the pillow and covered his ears.

_This pain is nothing compared to his…_

He didn't move and just tried to go to sleep, he could and would ignore this. He had been always good at ignoring things. So good that it got the people around him hurt or even killed. At least this time he'd put the skill to good use.

_What? No! he can't be dead. _he didn't know if that one was his own or the voice's, it sounded similar. Only a month ago he had said the same thing about Sirius.

_We're just insignificant humans who couldn't even save a little girl. _it was the blond boy's voice.

Harry thought about the people he couldn't save. His parents, Cedric--who barely knew him and the closest thing he had known as a father figure, Sirius. Why did Death follow him? Why wasn't he strong enough to save them? If he couldn't even save the people he knew than how could he save an entire world? It didn't make sense, nothing made sense.

Before he could lament on his life he heard a voice from somewhere outside his room. "the only teen in here is Evan Havoc, and he's much to old to be Harry Potter." Tom insisted to someone that Harry hadn't heard.

His blood was pumping hard and he swore he heard his heart beating in his ears. Acting on adrenaline he jumped up grabbing his hat and wand before diving behind the door. He wasn't going to let anyone control him.

The door opened not a second later and Harry saw two familiar order members, Dumbledore and Kingsley following them was the minister of magic and two Aurors he didn't know. He felt annoyed. Did they really have to bring the government in this as well?

Tom looked around surprised. "I guess Mr. Havoc is out." he told them, waiting for them to leave. Having the ministry _and _Dumbledore here always meant he lost customers. As soon as they walked in two of his patrons had just up and left.

Dumbledore frowned his blue eyes searching around the room. Both the ministry and he had sensed Harry's magical signature. The yellow colored cat on the floor growled at him and Hedwig hooted. "he's here." the minister persisted.

"Harry? Come out please." amused he suddenly noticed the almost sheepish boy hiding behind the door.

Sighing Harry stepped out from behind the door. "hello Professor." he said, trying to control his anger. He wasn't sure if he was angry at himself for being caught or at Dumbledore who had actually caught him.

After half an hour of talking about how he left and why he was allowed to leave. Unfortunately now he had to talk to the order. Harry wouldn't admit it but he was sulking as he was lead to Grimmauld Place. Why couldn't they have just left him alone?

"Harry!" suddenly he was tackled by a blur with bushy brown hair.

"H-Hermione?" he gasped out, Ron stared at the two amused.

Hermione pulled back staring at him with a frown on her face. "Where have you been? Are you alrig--Did you get shorter?" she asked her eyes widening in surprise and amusement.

Ron laughed staring at his friend up and down. "I think he did."

Harry flushed and avoided looking at them. "I did not." he wasn't that short was he? Compared to Ron who towered over him he may have been called short but almost everyone was shorter than Ron. Harry though was barely taller than Hermione, if he was being honest than they were probably the same height.

"Aw did ittle Harry get shorter?" two familiar voices asked at the same time and Harry found himself staring at the twins.

Harry rolled his eyes at them. "It's not possible to get shorter at least not at my age." he protested his face still red.

"Harry?" Tonks walked out from the room the Order mostly held their meetings at. "it's time." she said in a dramatic tone and then grinned.

He couldn't help but grin in return. "Right, anyway I have to go to my interrogation." he smiled at his friend's trying to hide how he was feeling. "If they kill me then you can all have something of my stuff."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You'll be fine." she pointed out, shaking her head at his antics.

Harry grinned and followed Tonks into "the interrogation room of torture". he sat down in a chair and ignored the many eyes staring at him.

"Harry would you like to explain why you left?" Dumbledore asked in a grandfatherly tone.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to stay there." that wasn't exactly the real reason but it worked as well as any other.

"I suppose they didn't cook your food just right so you left." Snape sneered and Harry glared at him.

Harry sighed breathing in deeply to control his anger. Snape was just baiting him, Harry reminded himself. Snape doesn't know anything. "It doesn't matter why I left, I just had to leave alright?" he snapped out quietly.

Mrs. Weasley gave him a disappointed look. "Harry the headmaster put you there for your best interest."

He snorted. "Best interest how is it in my best interest if--" he stopped realizing that he was about to reveal the full extent of the Dursley's abuse. Right now that wasn't something he could even consider handling.

"If?" Remus prodded quietly from his spot right next to Harry.

Harry shook his head. "I shouldn't have said that." he sighed. "I cant explain why I left but I did have the right to leave." he said seeing their protesting looks. He had to explain before they said something to make him angry.

"oh and what right is that? Your right as the savior." Snape said in a dry tone.

"Actually Harry could have left whenever he wanted." Remus pointed out quietly. "After all he's a legal adult."

"What? That's absurd Harry's only sixteen." Mrs. Weasley protested her eyes were determined. "He can stay with us if he needs a home."

Harry smiled. "Thanks Mrs. Weasley but that really wont be necessary after all this is my house." Absently he noted that he'd really need to redecorate the place, house elves heads' weren't really his thing.

"Harry you only get this house and the other things of Sirius and your Parents will when you turn seventeen." Dumbledore told him gently.

"didn't you listen? Harry is already a legal adult." Remus reminded them with a smirk. "Sirius emancipated him." he said proudly and Harry grinned.

"What? Emancipated?"

Harry smirked. "It means I'm a legal adult able to make my own decisions like leaving the Dursley's for instance." he looked over at his headmaster. "But you already knew that Sir." a dark look passed through his eyes for a second but he hid it.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "You knew that Harry was emancipated and yet you forced him to stay at the Dursley's? why?"

Dumbledore frowned. "The blood protection would have and still works until Harry official turns seventeen."

Harry stood up and was almost out of the room. "Be that as it may I wont be going back to the Dursley's." he grinned. "After all it is my decision." he left the room ignoring the outrage that was caused.

"Hey mate how'd it go?" Ron asked quickly abandoning the chess game he was playing with George.

George grinned. "That counts as a forfeit."

Ron scowled at him, "It doesn't." before turning his attention back to Harry.

"It went…." Harry struggled for a word to think of. "Fine."

Hermione closed her book. "Harry that's your word for everything." she pointed out a frown on her face.

"so?" He sat down on a chair watching the chess match.

Silence followed and as always Ron won the match though it was a close one. George was only a few moves away from winning. Fred merely laughed at his twins pouting face and Ron smirked in victory. Eventually a red-faced Mrs. Weasley told them that they should go to bed soon which roughly translated into "Get to bed now or else."

"Night Ron." Harry told the redhead before walking to his own room, right across from Sirius's. Mrs. Weasley had offered him his godfather's old room but he had quickly told her no. he couldn't sleep in that room, where Sirius had been for months. It was to soon and to much for him to handle.

"_where am I?" Harry snapped out. _

_The room or whatever it was, was completely white and vacant. Nothing was there but him and it seemed endless. Where was he? This wasn't Grimmauld place and it didn't _

_look like a death eater's headquarters either. _

"_Where am I?" he repeated trying to find away out._

_Suddenly a gate appeared, or at least he thought it was a gate. It stretched out and slowly opened with a creak. Dark hands appeared but they didn't grabbed him and instead the slowly unraveled. _

_A boy with blonde-brown hair was in the center, his arms and legs held by the black things, they were wrapped around him like vines. "who's he?" Harry wondered knowing he wouldn't get an answer. _

'_he looks familiar.' Harry realized. 'Where have I seen him before?' _

_As soon as he took a step forward, the gates started to close and the boy slide back inside. Harry ran not knowing why but knowing that he had to help this boy. "wait!" with a snap the gates closed and Harry was left with the endless white. _

"_Too late to save him." a voice taunted. _

"_Too late to save anyone."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: **writer's block is weird, I had it yesterday and then I just started writing this and it was gone. Why didn't I think of that a week or two ago? -_- anyway please enjoy the chapter and thanks to everyone who reviewed/read.

Some of you may notice but Harry's a bit different in this chapter. In the first two chapter's he's been a bit mature like Al but he's still Harry so he still has all of those mood swings.

_____________________________________________________________________________

_A couple days after the "interrogation"_

"Oh look it's Lord Potter." one of the twins said as Harry walked into the kitchen.

He glared at them with tired and shadowed eyes. "Would you stop that? I'm not the lord of anything until I turn seventeen." it was true while he was emancipated, he wasn't the official lord of the Potter or Black estates until he officially turned seventeen.

The other twin grinned. "Sorry." he didn't look sorry at all and neither did his twin.

As he sat down Mrs. Weasley placed a stack of food in front of him. Somehow she still thought that he needed more food, Harry wondered how much food it would take before he'd blow.

"Thanks." he said with a fake though well hidden smile. _only a few more weeks. _he thought taking a bit out of the food.

Hermione, and the twins were the only ones at the table aside from him. Ron was sleeping in as per usual and Ginny was out somewhere with her boyfriend who Harry had been surprised to learn was their roommate Dean. He was happy for the girl though Ron was a bit _disgruntled. _

"The nerve of that woman." Hermione huffed throwing down the paper and glaring holes into it. "she's absolutely nuts."

_I'd say the same thing about you. _Harry took another bit of his food before asking, mentally preparing for the upcoming rant and there would be a rant, there was always a rant.

"What did she say?" He asked ignoring the almost panicked glares the twins set him. _this is for that Lord comment. _he hid the smirk that passed over his face.

Hermione's eyes narrowed, normally Harry would high tale it at the mere mention of the prophet but now he looked actually interested? What was wrong with him. "Rita Skeeter wrote another article questioning your "decreasing sanity and what your latest daring attention scheme means." she quoted and then scowled.

Harry laughed. "How daring is it to run away from a house of muggles?"

Hermione rolled her eyes and then stared at him with a disapproving look. "Not very daring but plenty immature."

The dark haired wizard sighed, his eyes flashing briefly in irritation. "Are you still on about that?" ever since he'd arrived she'd been trying to pry the reason why he'd left and scold him for leaving. She was a great friend but sometimes that girl was just to much.

"Yes, after all Professor Dumbledore does know more than we--." she cut off abruptly at the sharp look he sent her.

Harry's eyes darkened. "Dumbledore doesn't know everything." the wizard was old and wise but he viewed the world differently, as if through rose-tinted glasses and viewing it that way had indirectly thrown Harry into the clutches of his relatives. He didn't hate the man he just didn't think he could be trusted with important decisions like his safety and wellbeing.

He stood up and walked out of the room ignoring Hermione and the twins protests. Why was Hermione butting in? he knew she was concerned but really it was his life and he'd do whatever the bloody hell he wanted.

Ron woke up when Harry slammed the door open and then closed before walking over and falling onto his bed glaring at the ceiling. The red head blinked sleepily and then sighed. "Let me guess it's Hermione isn't it?" for the past couple of days the two had been like Broomsticks and Cauldrons or as Hermione said "Cats and Rats." at least he thought that was what she'd said.

Harry nodded still looking at the ceiling. "She keeps going on about how Dumbledore's right and knows everything but she's wrong." His voice kept going louder and louder until he was practically yelling.

A second later they heard a shout from downstairs, "I am not wrong!"

Ron groaned. "Why can't you guys just get along?" now this was ironic normally it was Harry and him who were fighting or Hermione and him. He didn't think he even remembered the last time the two had fought.

"Because she act like Dumbledore's so wise and if he's so damn wise than why didn't he know--" Harry stopped and closed his eyes, breathing in harshly. God why was it so hard to keep a secret? _For Merlin sakes I just keep screwing up._

Ron sat up and looked at his friend with suspicious eyes, he had a sinking feeling that he already knew what Harry was going to say. "Know what Harry?"

Harry shook his head and opened his eyes. "I'm sorry Ron but I really can't tell you yet." he waited for the outburst wondering what the redhead would say this time.

Ron nodded. "Alright then." he stretched and jumped out of bed cracking his bones as he did. Apparently sleeping twisted upside down wasn't a very good position. _my neck's killing me. _

Harry sat up staring at him with shock. "What? Your not going to pry or beg me to tell you." what had happened to Ron? A few months ago he would have gotten an opposite explosive reaction.

His friend shot him a wry look. "I feel insulted." he grabbed a shirt and idly hoped that it was clean or at least almost clean.

"Sorry it's just I thought you might be curious or something." Harry looked almost sheepish.

Ron shrugged. " I am curious actually but it's more a terrified kind of curious and besides you'll tell me when your ready." he wouldn't push Harry into telling him anything, all it would do was make him clam up even more. Harry needed a friend not a gossiper.

The redhead grinned and then walked out of the room almost laughing at the shocked wide eyed look on Harry's face.

Harry sighed. _everything's changing even Ron and me. _

It was true and almost scary. Everything in his life was changing, it felt like he was stuck in a roaring storm with no way out. All he could do was hope that the storm would end soon. He wasn't sure of how much change he could take.

"--And remember be good and try to study this time alright." Mrs. Weasley told her son and Ron's ears flushed red.

Harry snickered and even Hermione had an amused look on her face.

Ron scowled and then suggested that his Mother should go say good by to Ginny which she tearfully did. "she's so bloody embarrassing sometimes." Ron complained as they got a compartment and got settled.

Harry laughed from his spot across from Ron and Hermione. "Yeah but at least you know she cares." he reminded.

Ron rolled his eyes and leaned against the window. "I guess."

Hermione's eyes narrowed when she saw Harry grab something out of his bag. "what's that?" she asked curiously. Since when did Harry read of his own choice?

Harry flashed her the book, "Alchemic Beginnings by Nicholas Flamel."

Hermione smiled at him and pulled out her own book, Hogwarts: a history. "Well I'm glad that your taking an interest in reading." she shot Ron a sly look. "It wouldn't hurt if you did." she teased.

Harry all but ignored them as he read his book becoming enraptured with it. He'd never really liked or been good at Science or Math but it seemed so much easier when he read it along with alchemy. It seemed almost _familiar _somehow.

"Hey Mate we have to go to the Prefects meeting now." Ron said trying for the third time to grab Ron's attention.

Harry nodded not taking his eyes off of his book.

Ron rolled his eyes and looked at Hermione who shook her head. "See what happens when you make him read." he told her as they walked out of the compartment and down the hall.

By the time someone came back Harry was finished with that book and then next book after that, he was half way through his third book when someone knocked on the door. Harry jumped startled and his books and bag went flying. Edward growled in a disgruntled fashion as Harry's fall made him wake up.

A familiar face poked in. "Did we scare you?"

Harry stared at Neville from his spot on the floor covered with books, quills and papers. "not at all." he said and then paused. "Wait we? Who else is there?"

Luna darted around Neville and walked in, a serene look on her face. "Hello Harry have you seen any nargles today?" she asked sitting down across from him.

Neville grinned and sat down a bit away from her.

He looked between the two of them. "Er… I haven't actually seen any today but I'll tell you if I do."

Luna nodded and pulled out the latest addition of the quibble not at all bothered by the fact that she was reading it upside down.

Harry laughed. "it's nice to see that everything hasn't changed."

"My Gran says congrats on your new independence." Neville smiled at the confused look on his face. "She knows a few friends in the Order." he explained.

The Dark-haired wizard sighed. "some independence I can't even leave that bloody house without someone barking orders or whatever at me." he said gloomily resting his head on the window sill.

Neville reached over and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. He looked over at Luna and seeing that she was occupied lowered his voice as he spoke. "Gran says she may be able to help you with your fighting skills."

Harry stared at the sandy haired boy surprised. "She's going to teach me how to fight?" somehow that didn't seem quite right.

The other boy laughed. "Actually she knows someone that may be able to help you."

Harry flushed in embarrassment. "Oh well tell her I'll see about it then after all how can I train during the school year."

Neville smirked in a way that was almost Slytherin. "Leave that to me."

Luna looked around sensing the strange atmosphere and then she smiled. "Nice cat Harry he's very fierce looking." she said in an approving manner.

He held back a laugh and petted Edward. "Thanks." _yep some things never change. _

Neville looked down and grabbed one of his many books that had fallen to the floor. "Rituals and Forgotten spells?" he read aloud and then stared at Harry and then back at the books on the floor. "How many of these have you read?"

Harry turned red for the second time in less than five minutes. "Since I got them last week? About fifteen."

Neville's eyebrows shot up. "Fifteen?" he echoed and then shook his head. "And I'm turning into Hermione."

Harry laughed and hit him. "Shut up! It's not that bad." _just very strange. _

"Seriously though why are you reading so much lately?" Neville asked curiously as he got out his own book, _Magically Rare plants and where to find them. _

Green eyes locked with him and Neville had the feeling that the laughing mood was over. It was time to be serious. "I need to learn all I can if I stand even the smallest chance of beating Voldemort who's a wizard with three times as much training as my self and has over fifty years to learn anything and everything."

Neville nodded looking thoughtful. "Basically what Hogwarts is providing just wont be enough." he guessed correctly. "what you need is everything you can get."

Harry nodded back looking very serious and solemn. "Exactly."

"We can help you with that." Luna's wispy voice broke through the tense atmosphere, for once she was looking serious her serene expression gone. "Neville and I will both do whatever we can to help you."

Harry smiled. "Thanks not many people would be willing to help 'the chosen one when he's so obviously crazy.'" he rolled his eyes.

"We're not helping you because you're the boy-who-lived or the chosen one." Neville said suddenly. "We're helping you because your our friend."

The green-eyed teen stared at him agape. "Umm…thank you." he hadn't honestly been expecting that but it was nice anyway.

He sighed. "If you guys don't mind I'm going to take a nap." he was dead tired from all the reading, the lectures and the dreams which hadn't stopped a night yet.

Harry set his bag and books on the floor before stretching out so he was laying on the seat, Edward now chewing on his shoes. The next time Neville or Luna looked up Harry was fast asleep all but dead to the world.

_He was in a city, one that seemed familiar but he'd never been here before not even in his dreams. Unconsciously his feet lead him down a path in the gray and abandoned city, seemingly leading him to nowhere. _

_Down and Down he went until he was in a gold room that reminded him of a ball room. _

"_What am I doing here?" his voice sounded strange and almost metallic. Unnerved he looked down only to see a giant metal arm. "What happened to me?"_

"_What's going on?" A woman with dark brown hair and pink bangs wearing a fancy dress appeared. "You couldn't save him!" her voice was broken and in her arms she was rocking a crying baby. _

"_Save who?" he asked still hearing that strange voice instead of his own. _

_As quick as she came the girl or rather woman disappeared. _

_He looked around nervous and more than a bit frightened. Where was he? What was going on? Who couldn't he save and why? _

_Another woman this one with shorter and darker hair was staring or more correctly glaring at him. "You had to ruin everything. Why waste the stone when you couldn't even bring him back correctly."_

_He felt confused. "Stone what stone? Who did I bring back."_

_She laughed fading away like the first woman though her laughter stayed. _

_His head was spinning. So many questions and no answers. "What's going on?" he wondered staring at the ball room. _

_Suddenly he realized something the floor was slowly becoming red. Was that paint or was it…blood? Whatever it was it was covering the floor and him. _

"_Why couldn't you save me?" he whipped around to find a boy with blonde hair and gold eyes staring at him sadly looking hurt and scared. _

"_I was supposed to save you?" he asked taking a step toward the boy who took a step into the blood. _

_The boy looked around, as blood swiftly covered him. "Why couldn't you save me Al?" he asked again. _

"_NO!" He ran forward when blood enveloped the boy, the only thing he saw were wide scared golden eyes. All of a sudden the boy broke apart going everywhere and covering everything but the boy was gone. _

"_Harry?" _

_He looked around. "is that my name?" he wondered out loud. _

_He tested it on his tongue. "Harry?" it was a nice name and it felt like a misshapen puzzle piece that would have almost worked but couldn't. _

"_Harry?" _

_Against the unknown voice he heard another voice, the boy's voice say a different name. "Al."_

"_Harry?"_

"_Al."_

"_Harry?"_

"_AL!"_

Harry gasped shooting up in his seat, as sweat covered his face. He looked around to find both Neville and Luna staring at him with concern. Hastily he tried to regain control of his nerves and breathing. What the hell had just happened? He shouldn't have gotten so freaked out about a dream. In fact he barely remembered the confusing dream.

"Sorry I had a bit of a nightmare." he said plastering a sheepish expression on his face, on the inside he felt confused and terrified. It seemed like the nightmares were becoming more real and more strange. After all why had he been in armor? And who was Al? he'd never met someone named that.

Neville nodded. "alright then." he still kept a cautious eye on the wizard and noted that Luna was doing the same thing.

Harry sighed and rested his head against the window feeling frustrated. What was going on with him? Everything was changing and it had all started because of those dreams. They brought out weird feelings and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Was it just grief or guilt because of Sirius's death that caused the nightly nightmares or something else?

"have you ever had nightmares that seems realer than most?" he asked softly not looking at either of them. If they had dreams or nightmares like this then that meant he wasn't the only one. It meant that he wasn't freakier than usual.

Neville shook his head and Luna stared at him. "Yes about Snargles why have you had any?"

Harry sighed. "No I was just wondering." and there went that tiny flicker of hope gone in an instant. So he was a freak then. If not even Wizards had dreams like this then why did he have them? He felt like screaming or banging his head against something. _You're a freak among freaks. _a dark voice whispered in the back of his mind.

He didn't deny it.

After all it was true wasn't it?

The boy-who-lived, the chosen one, whatever you called him it made him a freak. How many people survived the killing curse? Just him. How many people were expected to be the savior of an entire world? Just him. And now he had these strange dreams that no one else had.

_You're a freak. _

Harry closed his eyes and tried to ignore that voice. The one that reminded him of the Dursleys, and of all his mistakes, of the people he couldn't save. It seemed like lately he heard that voice more than anything.

_Aww ittle baby Potter did you love him? _

_Too late to save him. _

_Too late to save anyone. _

He felt like screaming, his head was pounding from the voices and the memories that came with it.

Sirius falling into the veil, a look of surprise on his face. Cedric dying his eyes blank. His mother's voice pleading for his life. That blond boy's sad look before the blood swallowed him. And then his own voice. _"I didn't mean to do it Uncle Vernon." _A hit, a strike and then he was somehow in his cupboard. How long did he have to deal with this? He didn't want to relive any of this. It had been bad enough the first time.

_Dad says if you keep acting like a freak that we're sending you the orphanage. _Dudley taunted.

_Even in the Wizarding World hearing voices others can't isn't normal. _

"Harry? Luna go get a prefect he doesn't look too good."

"Harry can you hear me?" glazed over green eyes stared at him emotionlessly as Neville shook his silent friend.

_A bright light and then someone screaming. _

_BROTHER!_

Harry kept taking sharp inhales of air each one deeper than the last.

_This wasn't supposed to happen…we didn't want this. _

"Harry? Are you alright? Just hang in there Luna's getting someone." Neville's voice was shaky, trying to reassure his friend who made no movement, no sound, nothing at all.

_Give him back to me! He's my little brother! Just give him back…_

Green eyes flashed to Gold as they voices rose and then stopped.

Harry's world went dark even though that one voice was still ringing in his ears. _Just give him back…just give him back. _

"Harry!"

He woke up to a familiar sight--the hospital wing ceiling. Disoriented it took him more than a few minutes to actually realize where he was. "My head is killing me." he moaned as a headache happily pounded against his skull.

"That's what you get for passing out on the way to School or it could have been when Mr. Weasley and Mr. Longbottom dropped you on your way here." Madam Pomfrey said as she walked over to her patient.

She frowned. "It seems like you end up here ever year." as she spoke she waved her wand over him running a diagnostic spell.

"How'd I get here?" he asked trying to sit up and then stopped when the room started to spin.

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "You had a panic attack on the way to school."

Harry looked surprised or at least tried to. A panic attack? It had been a while since he had one. He had lasted as long as his fourth year before they started again, the last one had been the day or more accurately night Sirius died.

"Have you ever had these before?" she asked doing a different spell that was a calm blue color.

He froze. What was he supposed to say? Tell her the truth. Or lie through his teeth? For all his acting he wasn't very good at lies, he could keep secrets like no one else but lies were a different matter.

"I used to get them when I was younger." when he saw her open her mouth he quickly added, "But it hasn't happened in years."

She nodded and the stopped waving her wand surveying him with a severe look. "I don't see why you can't rejoin classes." she then narrowed her eyes. "but you should rest here until tomorrow."

He sighed, she had just admitted that nothing was wrong and he still had to stay here? How fair was that? "Really but you just said you didn't find anything wrong."

The nurse rolled her eyes. "I realize that but dealing with you I have found that precaution is completely necessary."

Harry pouted as Madame Pomfrey walked back into her office keeping one eye on her flighty patient. Well at least he wouldn't have to deal with Hermione and Ron badgering him until tomorrow. Absently he wondered what the newest rumor was, he could see the headlines now. BOY-WHO-LIVED now the BOY-WHO-FAINTS? And he could just imagine the quibblers front page. BOY-WHO-LIVED FAINTS DO TO NARGLE INFECTION. Well at least he'd get a laugh or headache if Hermione ranted about the paper again.

"Go to bed Mr. Potter it's twelve o'clock and you need all the rest you can get." the matron's strict voice said through the door and Harry couldn't help but apply at her tone. Merlin that woman was like Mrs. Weasley only scarier or maybe Mrs. Weasley was the scarier one? Either way he wouldn't want to mess with either of them when mad.

Harry closed his eyes and tried not think about anything. After all thinking had started most of his panic attacks in the past and the panic attack from today and honestly he didn't want to deal with another one too soon. After all they'd ask questions and while he could dodge their questions for a while he couldn't do it forever.

When the room was quiet, and the only bit of light was the filtered moonlight he heard a small voice almost like a child's in the back of his head.

_Brother…_

-Chapter fin-

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Thank god it's over, honestly I hated this chapter with a passion but I owed you all something and this was the only thing my poor sleep-deprived brain could think of. I'm very sorry if this chapter is horrible compared to the others. And to the people who have actual panic attack I'm very sorry for using panic attacks incorrectly if I have done so. I do actually know someone who has panic attacks and I could have asked her but that's something personal and besides she doesn't even know I write fan fiction.

-Sorry for the long End Author's Note, Chaotic Inverse.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: **sorry about not updating I've been really busy and I sort of took a "little" break from writing.

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Harry woke up to white, blinding, nauseating white. He blinked to make sure it wasn't just his eyes playing tricks. Taking a quick look around he wanted to groan. He was in the hospital wing again? Apparently he was trying to set the record for most times in an infirmary.

Why was he in the hospital wing anyway? The last thing he remembered was talking with Luna and Neville. It took his confusion-addled brain to remember what had happened and when he did he wanted to scream.

A panic attack? He couldn't even remember the last time he had a panic attack. He had panic attacks often as a child. They had stopped though, right after he got his letter. The Dursley's had for the most part left him alone and then things seemed almost normal until now.

God what was wrong with him? The dreams and now panic attacks? What next? Random fainting acts. If he was just a little bit more paranoid, had a little more constant vigilance then he probably would have wondered why. Instead he just wondered when and if he could leave. As soon as that woman had him in his clutches he'd have to try his damned hardest to escape.

Sluggishly he sat up and looked around through bleary eyes. All of the lights were off leaving the room cast in darkness. It was silent except for the rain hitting against the glass of the windows. Harry's eyes looked around the room, watching the slits of moonlight cover the floor.

"How long have I been out?" he said quietly hoping that Madame Pomfrey wouldn't hear him. She'd probably kill him if she knew he was up this late. He could just imagine the lecture and the punishment of even more time in the hospital wing.

The silence was broken when the door opened and Harry dove back under the covers, trying to look like he was asleep while clutching his wand. (You never could be too prepared.) Whoever it was they weren't quiet, in fact they sound Uncle Vernon did when he was drunk—stumbling around in the darkness and being loud as hell.

"He's over there." Someone hissed out narrowly crashing into a bed.

"Are you sure?" the other person said back quietly, the voice was feminine but not high.

"Of course I'm sure—I have the bloody map right here." Harry wanted to laugh. It was just Ron and Hermione. Wait, what we're they doing here?

"Harry?" Hermione, at least he thought it was Hermione stepped closer to his bed trying to figure out if he was awake.

He didn't move and made sure his breathing stayed shallow. For some strange reason he didn't want to talk to his friends. They'd just ask questions, tell him about the rumors and lecture him. If he told them he didn't want to talk they'd probably take it the wrong way. He loved his friends, they were like his family but right now he couldn't handle it. In fact he couldn't handle anything but sleep.

"Harry, mate?" Ron whispered stumbling closer to their bushy-haired friend.

Hermione sighed, and brushed some hair away from her face taking in the sight of one of her best friend's. If she was being honest then Harry looked exhausted, he looked almost like a corpse. A shiver went down her spine at that thought. "He looks terrible."

_Thanks Hermione I'm sure you'd look just as good after fainting. _Harry thought sarcastically trying not to move even though he had the desperate urge to sneeze.

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that." Ron said wryly.

"Let's let him sleep, he's probably tired to the bone." Hermione said softly before Harry heard the sound of their retreating footsteps and then the door closed.

Even though he was tired Harry didn't want to sleep instead he stared up at the ceiling wishing it looked a bit more interesting like the great hall. What was wrong? Why did he suddenly want to be away from his friend's, it's not like there was anything wrong with them right?

The answer was surprising—there wasn't anything wrong with his friend's he was the problem. He was different, changing ever so slowly. His paranoia was taking over him making him question everything and he hated it. You shouldn't want to be alone all the time, you shouldn't feel like you didn't belong when you were supposed to.

_It'll take more than that to kill me, brother. _

"And there it is again!" Harry murmured quietly sitting up and leaning against the headboard. He had a feeling he'd continue to hear that voice until he either dropped dead or went insane.

'_How come I get stuck with all the freakish things in life?' _he wondered trying to figure out why that voice sounded so familiar. It was like déjà vu really, he knew that voice like the back of his hand and yet he had forgotten where he heard it.

Harry rubbed at his eyes wishing that he had stayed asleep; being awake hadn't helped him at all. It just made him angry, confused and all around frustrated.

Yawning he curled back on the bed staring at the wall and trying to not fall asleep, he couldn't fall asleep now. He felt, he _knew _he was close to figuring out that voice.

_Brother hasn't been dead long, there's still color on his face. _

Sirius's face flashed in his mind. At first it was the picture from the poster, his gaunt-looking face seemed like a skeleton's and then it changed to that look of half-shock stunned on his face as he fell.

"I don't want to think about this." he protested sleepily using his pillow to cover his head from something unseen.

_His soul's probably still at the gate. _

Green eye's closed. '_What was the gate?' _

The veil blowing as Sirius fell into it, time coming to a stop.

_I just have to pull his soul back…_

'_How can you pull back a person's soul and from where?'_

_The same way he did for me…_

"Who?" Harry muttered as his mind struggled to match the voice with the memory.

Gold-green eye's opened unknowingly. _This is for you brother. _

"w-who is that?" a boy—no a suit of armor? And then a boy again? Or was that a soul?

Slowly sleep over came him as he heard the last words' of the phantom's voice in his head.

_I'll miss you. _

________________________________________________________________________

"-Arry?!" He kept his eyes closed and turned away from the annoying shrieking. Why couldn't people let him sleep in? what was the harm in a few extra hours of sleep?

"Harry!" the voice persisted. It wasn't his voice though, the one that only he heard but a different just as irritating voice.

"Go 'way m' sleepin." He muttered yawning.

"Harry you have classes today! You can't just sleep the rest of the morning." A hand reached down to touch his but was stopped just before she could shake him away.

"Harry! Would you please let go of my wrist it's starting to hurt." Hermione said as she tried to tug her hand away from the death grip. When had Harry gotten so strong anyway? For someone so small his strength was almost amazing.

"Hey mate let her go." Ron said trying to pull Harry's arm away from Hermione.

Hermione wanted to scream when she realized that Harry was still sleeping, reacting purely on reflex. "It's no use to try to get away we just have to wake him up." Hermione said stopping her helpless pulling.

"Isn't that what we've been trying to do for the past five minutes?" Ron asked sarcastically.

The brunette witch stared down at one of her best friends in concern. Was it just her or did Harry looked flushed? His skin normally a paleness that almost matched Snape's was darker flamed red. "Ron I think you should get Madame Pomfrey." She said slowly using her other hand to check Harry's head. Immediately she pulled it back, reeling from the raging heat she felt. "He's burning up."

"Can't you just cast a cooling charm?" Ron questioned as the witch chewed on her lip nervously.

"If the charm's too cool it can cause shock." She responded and then fixed him with a piercing stare. "Weren't you supposed to go get Madame Pomfrey?"

He nodded sheepishly and wasted no more time in running to the office.

"Harry?" Hermione shook his shoulder with her now released hand, the raven-haired wizard having let go a minute or so ago.

As she waited for the nurse Hermione couldn't help but notice that things about Harry seemed _peculiar_ lately. Harry wasn't acting much like himself—no that wasn't right. He was acting like himself part of the time and the other half he acted like a completely different person. He had constant mood swings, going from happy to snarling angry in seconds, had run away from the Dursley's (though now that Hermione thought of it that wasn't such a bad thing), and from what Ron told her had a constant and incurable case of insomnia/nightmares.

Her eyes narrowed. Something wasn't right with Harry lately and she'd do her best to find out. After all what if he did something stupid or self-harming? She wouldn't let anything happen.

"What's wrong with Mr. Potter now?" Madame Pomfrey asked rushing forward with Ron treading on her heels. Hermione jumped barely refraining the very strong urge to shriek, when had they gotten here?

"He has a fever."

Madame Pomfrey frowned and walked closer toward her charge looking at him with a hawk's eye. Ron stood awkwardly next to Hermione as the nurse ran test after test on Harry.

"It appears that Mr. Potter has somehow caught a virus." She said finally putting her wand away. Almost as an after thought she turned back toward them as if now realizing they were still here.

"He'll be alright wont he?" Ron asked glancing over at the pale looking Harry.

She gave them a smile at seeing their concern. "He'll be fine after a good day's rest and a healing potion.

"That's good." Hermione sighed in relief.

"Really good." Ron agreed.

"I think that if you two don't hurry you'll be even later for your first classes." Madame Pomfrey said wisely.

Hermione frowned staring at Harry. "I forgot about class, because of Harry's fever. And right now I don't really care."

Ron's eyebrows shot up in surprise but then he grinned. "Hermione Granger doesn't care about her school work? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

She rolled her eyes. "Sometimes other things take a higher priority." She said stiffly.

Madame Pomfrey hid her smile. "If it's not too much trouble would you please tell Albus about Harry's recent condition and that he'll be out of class for another day or so."

Hermione nodded. "Of course Madame Pomfrey it's not any trouble at all."

Ron smirked; this meant that they'd probably miss Potions class entirely. "Come on 'Mione we'd better go." The two left a few seconds later one of them looking very happy while the other fretted about what they had missed in class.

The Nurse turned back to her patient only to find him twitching in a restless sleep. "And what are we going to do about you Mr. Potter?" She asked hands on her hips. How was it possible for one student to get in this much trouble?

Harry groaned and turned onto his side muttering something into his pillow.

Madam Pomfrey leaned closer, wondering what the boy could say in his fever-induced deliria.

"Edward." He muttered again as he body shifted trying to find some release from the unstopping heat that burnt along every nerve.

'_Edward?' _Madame Pomfrey frowned. As far as she knew there were no students named Edward at Hogwarts and nor was there anyone in the order called Edward. Perhaps a muggle friend? Whoever it was they had to mean something to the boy or else he wouldn't have said it, even in his delusion. Only a fever would weaken (not destroy) the many masks that Potter hid behind.

"Poppy how is Harry doing?" the matron jumped and then turned around frowning. "Albus how many times has a member of the staff told you not to do that?" she asked irritated. Why the man got a sense of pleasure on sneaking up on people she'd never know.

Albus smiled, his blue eyes twinkling as he walked toward the nurse and the bed. "I'm sorry Poppy I didn't know it would startle you." He said sincerely.

She sighed. "Mr. Potter will be fine after a few days rest, and a fever-reducing potion." She hesitated for a second wondering if she should reveal the next part. "He also mentioned someone named Edward."

Albus stared at her with something she didn't recognize. "Edward?"

Her eyes narrowed when she practically saw the wheels and cranks turning in his head. "In most cases of fever the patients suffer through deliria, meaning that he's most likely suffering through delusions and that this Edward doesn't exist."

The older wizard nodded, and stared down at the boy who was there savior with sympathy. "Of course."

Madam Pomfrey quickly walked back toward her potions cabinet smirking. Despite his good intentions Albus was very curious and unfortunately manipulative to a fault. This time she wouldn't let him use the boy for his own agenda no matter if it was for the greater good. After all Slytherins were unendingly cunning and she'd shame her former house if she hadn't intervened.

-Later in the day-

_Edward frowned. "Come on Al your not supposed to get sick." He whined as his little brother crawled into bed. "who am I supposed to play with if your sick?"_

_Al gave a weak shrug and Ed leaned closer his hand connecting with a clammy forehead. "You really are sick aren't you?" only now had he realizing that his brother hadn't been fibbing. _

"_Mm-hm." The darker-blonde murmured piling as many blankets as he could find on his bed. It felt like the time he and brother had went outside in winter without their jackets and boots on. _

"_Al how can you be that cold you're burning up?!" Edward exclaimed incredulously staring at him with curiosity. _

"_dunno, m' cold." He said curling up under the blankets as the shudders racked his body. _

_Ed sighed and walked the short distance from his bed to Al's. _

"_Brother you shouldn't come near me your going to get sick." Alphonse protested even as Edward pulled him against him deeming a human heater better than a thousand blankets. _

"_So? It's not fun playing without you anyway." Edward replied trying to think of what mom did whenever he and Al got sick? Finally remembering he gave Al a smile and started to run his hand through Al's mussed up hair. _

"_M' tired." Al said sleepily, burrowing into the blankets that he had left. _

_Ed rolled his eyes. "Then go to sleep Alphonse." _

"_kay' night Brother." _

"_Good night Al." Ed said closing his eyes and resting his head against the wall. If Al was getting some sleep than why couldn't he? _

"_Brother?" the quiet voice asked. _

_Edward cracked open one eye. "Yeah Al?" _

"_Thanks Edward." Al replied closing his eyes and letting sleep wash over him, hopefully by tomorrow his fever would be gone and then he and brother could go outside and play. _

_The older brother shook his head, sometimes Al was really ridiculous. Why wouldn't he help Al anyway? That was what big brothers were supposed to do. "Just go to sleep and get better Al." he said quietly. _

Harry finally stopped shifting in his sleep and instead stayed peacefully still, remembering the command he had never heard.

-Chapter end-


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: **one of you asked if Dumbledore knows about Edward and he doesn't, all he knows so far is that Edward maybe a muggle friend of Harry's. so far. Thanks to StalkerofStories for reading this over, your awesome. I hope you all enjoy the chapter.

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For the second time in a row Harry woke up to the sight of the Hospital wing ceiling. He sat up, groaning, "I'm still here?" His sheets and clothing were drenched in sweat. Sitting on the tray next to him was breakfast and a potion. He twitched, moving as far away from the bottle as he could. "Not another potion..." He hated potions with a fiery passion.

'_If I hurry I can get out of here before Madame Pomfrey comes back.' _He shot up and jumped off the bed, frantically looking around for his wand and his clothes. His clothes were freshly-washed, lying folded near his bed, his wand on top of them. Hastily he threw them on pocketing his wand as he did so.

Footsteps echoed around the room coming closer and closer with every passing second. Harry tensed and bolted quickly and quietly toward the door escaping just as the nurse walked into the room.

Her eyes, like a hawk's, swept of the room and stopped when they landed on the empty bed. Potter's bed. "For the love of Merlin," she shook her head. "He's run off again?" Sighing, she walked out the room the thought of lecturing Potter egging her on.

Classes were still in session, leaving the halls empty as he ran. His head ached, his skin was itchy and his lungs felt like they were on fire, but it was still better than being in the hospital wing.

"Harry?" The dark-haired teen almost jumped but instead whipped around his wand held out defensively as Neville stared at him in confusion.

"Neville, what are you doing out of class?" he asked, trying to calm his frantically pounding heart.

"Professor Sprout let me go early so I could get cleaned off," Neville replied, gesturing to his dirt-covered clothes.

Harry nodded but wondered why he didn't just use a cleaning charm. "Oh, well, that's nice of her."

Neville stared at him frowning, confusion evident. "Harry, aren't you still supposed to be in the hospital wing?" He was sure that the rest of the school would have been gossiping about it earlier at breakfast but maybe he just wasn't paying attention?

'_Damn it… make up a lie make up a lie make up lie.' _Harry racked his brain for any suitable excuse and wanted to bang his head against something when he couldn't find any. "I, er.... have to… um, feed my cat?" he offered weakly.

.

"Luna fed Edward this morning." Neville pointed out.

"you have my cat?" Harry looked confused and frowned biting his lower lip nervously.

"Well Ron and Hermione were busy trying to calm the commotion caused by your fainting." Neville wanted to laugh as Harry's face flushed red. "Yeah, apparently it was a big deal, and Luna decided to take care of Edward for you."

"I'll have to thank her," Harry said looking thoughtful though his face was still a little bit red.

"So why are you out here again?" Neville asked amused.

Harry sighed, "Fine I escaped; are you happy now?"

Neville shot him a disapproving look. "Harry what happens if you're not fully healed?"

The other wizard rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. Madame Pomfrey's just too stubborn to let anyone go if they have much less than a cold."

"I guess I could see how that would drive you insane," Neville acquiesced. He just really hoped that Harry didn't faint or Hermione would lecture him about the proper care of a sick person.

"I knew you'd understand!" Harry smiled and then suddenly frowned, realizing that it'd be less than a minute or so until classes ended. "And now if you'll excuse me I have to get out of here before anyone notices me."

Harry disappeared faster than Neville could have thought anyone would have as students started pouring out into the hallways. Neville, however, was frozen in shock, covered from head to toe in dirt as he stared at the spot his friend had last been at. "Were his eyes gold?" Neville whispered quietly in shock.

"Thank Merlin I'm back," Harry said happily as he jumped on his bed gazing at the room with happiness. Finally he didn't have to be in that horrible hospital wing anymore.

_What's a soul really? When you take out the myth, it's just the spark that starts life. This is our blood from her blood. That's a fair trade._

His eyes widened and then he fell back against the bed groaning. "And here I thought it stopped." he murmured. This wasn't his voice but a different one that he had heard before.

_Please… help him! He's gonna bleed to death!_

Why did all the freakish things happen to him? Why couldn't he be normal just once? Maybe he was just insane? That'd be a nice headline, and a true one. 'Boy-Who-Lived Madder Than a Hatter!'

'_Something's wrong,' _he thought, staring up at the ceiling, an utterly strange feeling of wrongness eating at the pit of his stomach. Why this feeling? Why now? He always got this feeling. It was like having a constant case of déjà vu; something's wrong but not quite knowing what.

"Nothing's wrong, you're just being bloody paranoid like always," he decided, pulling the sheets over his head. Still the feeling remained, leaving him to wonder what could be wrong. Were his friends in trouble? The school? Was Voldemort about to attack? Had someone died?

"Harry, are you up here?" Hermione's voice echoed up the stairway as she walked closer toward the dorm, the loud footsteps of Ron following after her.

'S_hoot! Have to hide!' _Harry thought frantically as he dove off the bed and rolled into the safety beneath. If Hermione found him than it was just as bad as if Madame Pomfrey did. Actually, it was probably worse.

"Harry?" The door creaked open and Harry winced watching their shoes come close to the bed.

"'Mione, I don't think he's in here," Ron said quietly watching the brunette walk around the room a frown on her face.

"I can't find him, but Seamus said he saw him go in here." Hermione ran a hand through her hair looking at the room with exasperation.

'_Seamus is a dead man.' _Harry thought darkly trying to keep as quiet as he could.

"Maybe he was mistaken? Harry could have just come up here to get something," Ron persisted and Harry felt like grinning. Good old Ron.

"That's a possibility." Hermione didn't sound convinced.

"Didn't Neville say he saw him out by the lake?" Ron suggested as she started pacing.

"What if he's not at the lake though? What if he's delirious because of the fever?" Hermione argued, sounding half-worried and half-angry. Why couldn't Harry just stay at the hospital wing? He'd be much safer there.

"When has Neville ever lied? I'm sure he'll be at the lake. And if he's not then he probably doesn't want to be found," Ron posited perceptively, almost reading Harry's mind.

Harry heard a sigh, a loud kind of defeated sigh. "Fine. But when we find him I'm lecturing him until he _wishes _he was in the hospital wing." The subject of the conversation shuddered as they laughed and left the room.

Slowly almost paranoid-like he crawled out from under the bed, his head swiveling in ever direction waiting for Hermione to come bursting in. "Thank Merlin," he muttered, climbing on the bed trying to calm down his nerves. If Hermione had found him… well he didn't even want to think about that. Sighing, he tried to relax.

Except he couldn't. His skin felt like it had been electrocuted, every nerve alive and running with endless energy. "What's wrong with me now?" he wondered aloud.

Narrowed eyes looked at his hand trying to figure out what was wrong. His hand felt the way it did whenever any limb fell asleep except that it wasn't asleep and he still wasn't quite sure what to compare the strange _annoying _feeling to.

"Maybe my hands are asleep?" But why would the rest of him be asleep? He had only been under the bed for a few minutes, was that really long enough for his entire body to feel paralyzed?

And then suddenly it happened. A coughing fit came over him, his head hurt again and his throat was killing him. Actually, his throat was the main problem. It felt like he hadn't had anything to drink in years. His throat had disappeared and what was left was just bones.

Jumping up he walked into the bathroom hoping water would help him. It didn't. In fact, it just made things worse because now he felt like he was choking even though he knew he wasn't.

He groaned, rubbing at his sore throat and then froze. His eyes caught the reflection of the mirror staring at him. "Oh _hell,_" Harry muttered, his voice echoing around the empty bathroom. Dark hair fell in front of his face, paralyzed in shock, followed by his scar and then finally his eyes. Except they weren't. His eyes couldn't be like that. They weren't that strange half-gold half-green color. This wasn't him. This couldn't be his reflection. Someone had to have jinxed it.

'W_hy would someone do that? What's the use of cursing a mirror to show different eye colors?' _Harry could feel the urge to panic overwhelming him, his hands felt clammy as he rubbed them against his robe worried. Was it just him or did the room seem smaller for a second?

As strange as this was something even stranger occurred. The voice, "his voice" felt happy. How the hell did you feel a voice? "You have something to do with this don't you?" he whispered though he knew that he wouldn't get answer. He never did.

The reflection was getting blurry, almost like a badly taken picture. But how did reflections get blurry? Reflections didn't, but eyesight did. Shaking his head and trying to clear away the image. Harry didn't see the mirror change. For a second dark, inky hair was replaced with dark blond and eyes that were half-green changed to bright gold. Just for a second that he had missed.

"Harry are you in there?" Neville's voice came through the door, causing Harry to jump as he whirled around panic racing through his veins.

"Damn," he swore as the door opened.

-Chapter end-


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: I don't know why but every time I finish a chapter I just want to write the next one as fast as I can, maybe it's because I really like this story? Thanks to everyone who reviewed I hope you enjoy the chapter.

________________________________________________________________________

As the door opened bright light filtered in through the room, followed by the sound of hesitant footsteps that stopped seconds after they started. "H-Harry?" Neville stared at him with wide eyes.

"Neville it's not what it looks li--" Harry started not knowing what path he was going just that he had to make an excuse.

The Blonde boy cut him off giving him a triumphant look. "I thought your eyes were gold."

"What?" Harry shot his friend a confused look.

"In the Hallway your eyes looked gold but I wasn't sure if that was just the light or something else."

"Oh?" Harry didn't think he could say much more than that.

"So when did you decide to get contacts?" Neville asked curiously.

"Contacts? Oh…umm just a while ago." Harry wanted to jump, at least now he had an excuse.

Neville nodded staring his classmate. "They really fit you, the color I mean."

"Thanks Neville." Harry gave him a grin and then frowned. "Umm Neville did you want something?"

The blonde turned red. "I actually forgot why I came up here." he said sheepishly.

Harry nodded. "I'm sure it wasn't to important then." as soon as he said that he started coughing again, clutching at his throat.

"Harry! Are you alright?" Neville asked running over to his friends side. "maybe I should get Hermione or Ron?"

Harry glared at him as the coughing subsided a few seconds later. "Neville don't you dare tell her!" he snapped out ignoring the slightly surprised and hurt look on his face.

His body still weak from the sudden coughing attack Harry wearily stood up. "sorry about yelling at you but I'm fine." goldish-gray eyes connected with brown. "Anyway if you seem them then please don't tell them I was here."

Neville nodded watching as the hero shakily walked out of the room leaning on the wall for support. As the door to their room closed he jumped up. There was no way in Hell he wasn't going to tell someone about the condition Harry was in. at this rate he'd kill himself!

The walk to the library was long then Harry had remembered or maybe it was just because moving hurt. It hurt a lot and now he was wishing that he was in the hospital wing. At least in the hospital wing they had medicine to cure such things like a cough. "how many more steps?" he wondered out loud hoping that none of the staircases suddenly decided to move. If that happened…well it wouldn't be very pleasant.

The staircases thankfully didn't move and by the time he made it to the library (which seemed like hours late) he did feel a little better, at least better enough that he didn't have to hold onto the wall for support.

The Room itself was empty, it's only occupants being the books upon books that were everywhere. Even the librarian was gone, probably to lunch like everyone else. Harry walked in letting his feet lead.

He had passed at least ten dust-covered bookshelves when finally he stopped at the very last row staring at a faded green book, with bright gold binding on the side. His hand snatched out and grabbed it before he slid down and leaned against the bookshelf.

'_What am I doing in here?' _he wondered turning the book over in his hands. He didn't know why he was here, something else had brought him here. Something that he couldn't control. It was just a feeling…

He opened the book flipping to the first chapter and letting himself get absorbed into the book. Reading a head he couldn't help but skip over some of the stranger parts, letting himself stop only when a word or a paragraph caught his eye.

_My name is not so important though at the time it was, the story I'm about to tell you however is a grave matter indeed…_

_Hence forth I dug further into the evidence searching for more signs of this hidden magic--no this peculiar science called Alchemy. _

_What was Alchemy? A once famous alchemist who's name is now forgotten by the weariness of time said, "Alchemy was the science that makes you feel like your performing magic." being a wizard myself I had to disagree. It did not feel like magic, this strange power wasn't anything like dear magic. It was different, of the same caliber but of a different source…_

_My research attempts into Alchemy have alluded me, leaving me and my wife Perenelle frustrated mess. Reaching we have decided to contact an old school friend of mine who was quite curious about all sorts of magic if my memory serves to be right. _

_he is quite different then what I remember gone is the young energetic man and in his place is a solemn creature with shaded eyes. I've heard about his recent attempts with that Gellert fellow and I can't help but wonder what is wrong. _

_The situations have had more consequences than we had imagined. This field is undoubtedly dangerous far dangerous for any mortal man. And though are attempts were mildly successful I feel we shouldn't continue on despite the faux stone we have managed to create._

_Reader I bid you to stay away from this disastrous course, Alchemy is an addiction as powerful as the pain killing medicines that muggles take. The farther you slip along the harder it is to come back. Even now I still have the urge to transmute even though my magic cannot handle it. I fear If use alchemy any longer I'll turn to dust in a matter of seconds. _

_This is my last book on the subject, if you desire to step further into this forbidden world I suggest you check out the other books written on this subject specifically by my dear friend Al-- _" Harry!"

His eyes snapped up widening just as a bushy-haired blur came round the corner. Hermione stopped in front of him a disapproving Ron and a sheepish looking Neville standing by her sides.

"Harry Potter what are you doing out of the Hospital Wing we've been--" she stopped staring at him for second. She looked him over once and then twice. "Are your eyes _gold_?" she asked puzzled.

"No." he denied sitting up, the dusty book still in hand.

She took a step closer and peered into his eyes. "yes they are, why are they gold?"

"I got contacts." why was lying becoming so easy? He honestly had too much practice.

She bit on her lower lip looking like she wanted to say something but then decided not too. "of course you did." she said. "so you left your safe secure room in the hospital wing to get your contacts instead of asking someone to do it for you?"

He shrugged resisting the urge to point out that it wasn't that safe. "that pretty much sums it up." he agreed.

Ron snorted. "Wasn't that secure if he managed to just walk out." Harry shot him a grin and Neville stifled a laugh.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "How are you feeling?" she asked giving him a concerned look.

"Fine." Harry ignored the looks that passed over their faces.

"Does your throat hurt? Do you have a fever? Is your skin itchy? Do you have chills? Have you puked or experienced any nausea?" the questions come at a rapid fire pace and they make his head hurt.

"no. no. no. no and no!" Harry repeats letting a small flash of irritation cross his face. "I'm okay so please stop worrying about me." he says quietly not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

"That's good that your okay." Hermione gave him a smile and then her eyes fell down to the book. "What's that?"

Harry shrugged. "I was reading it until you all rudely interrupted." he said playfully.

"Well deal with it." Ron suggested smirking.

Hermione jumped suddenly. "Oh no! it's time for History of Magic Class." frantically she pushed all three of the boys forward ignoring their protests.

"Why do I have to go? I'm sick?!" Harry protested as they ran out of the Library and toward the classroom.

"I thought you were fine!" Hermione growled out as they slowly stopped in front of the room.

Neville huffed as he regained his breathe. "What a work out." he said in between breathes as they walked into the room.

"Yep, I better your feeling the burn now Harry." Ron grinned at his shorter friend.

Harry rolled his eyes and sat down ignoring the many stares and questions.

"Today Class we will be taking a different look into history, I know you all will be disappointed that our Lessons about the seventy-third Goblin dispute will be put on hold." Whispers filled the class room and it took a few minutes before they quieted down.

"Our lesson for today will be about, reincarnation." this time even louder whispers filled the room and Harry turned to look at Hermione.

"Reincarnation how is that history?" Harry didn't believe in such things, or at least he hadn't thought about them much. He did think however that it'd be pretty strange to die and come back a someone or something else.

Ron sighed. "not that I'm complaining but how is this history of magic? Sounds like divination too me."

Hermione rolled her eyes, pulling out some paper to write notes on. "honestly if you ever read more than those quidditch books you'd know." she teased.

Ron laughed. "We read more than just Quidditch books 'Mione."

"We also read prank books too." Harry finished, giving her a smile.

"So seriously how is this history?" Ron asked expecting the girl to know the answer, he'd be surprised if there was something she didn't know.

"Many influential people in history have suspected to be reincarnated, they've used their knowledge for better uses in the present time." Hermione frowned for a second. "Some researchers think that everyone has been reincarnated at least once but there's no actual proof on the matter."

"Excellent speech Miss. Granger." Hermione blushed red as the professor continued talking.

"The belief of Reincarnation has been around for centuries, from the Dark Age Wizards to the Alchemists and to muggle religions." Binns voice was not his usual monotone and most of the class managed to keep their eyes open as he spoke.

"Chinese Wizards believe that Reincarnation has to deal with your previous life's actions. Wizards who died with an unfortunate death or has caused a violent death are not normally born as humans."

Harry closed his eyes letting the sounds of Binns' speaking and Hermione's quill furiously writing down notes fill his ears.

"In fact Merlin is said to be the first reincarnated English wizard, and was the first accepted cause of Reincarnation by our government."

"Professor?" Hermione asked as he stopped speaking for a second. "I've read that there are sometimes affects for the reincarnated person."

Binns looked confused for a second, his eyes blinking. "Affects? Oh yes."

"Sometimes the reincarnation experiences things from there past life, it has been described as an almost constant case of déjà vu. They can 'inherit' memories from their former life, things that were important to them."

Harry eyes shot open and took on a wide-eyed look. _'inherit memories? What the hell is going on?' _

The professor continued unaware or not caring of Harry's mental confusion. "Sometimes they also suffer black outs, or have unexplainable feelings about objects. One witch died at the stake during the Dark Ages in a peculiar way and her great-granddaughter had that fear."

Harry relaxed closing his eyes again, _'well I don't have any strange fears, so this obviously doesn't deal with me. And I've never had a black out.'_

'_Except for the time on the train.' _Why couldn't the voices in his head leave him alone?

'_That was a panic attack, not a black out!' _

' _You haven't had a panic attack in years and now, just out of the blue you suddenly have one? Very unlikely.' _the little Voice in his head countered.

'_It's not uncommon, I felt sick and confused.' _

'_But you weren't sick until after you had a black out.'_

'_it was not a black out!' _

"Mr. Potter are you alright?" Professor Binns asked and Harry looked up noticing the entire class was staring at him.

Harry flushed, his skin turning bright red. However used to the stares he was, sometimes they just caught him off guard. "I'm fine." he said meekly.

"Are you alright?" Hermione whispered quietly.

Harry nodded still trying to figure out what was wrong. For the rest of the hour Ron and Hermione could do no more but watch as there friend had an argument they couldn't hear or understand.

'_What's wrong with me?' _Harry thought closing his eyes and ignoring that little voice in the back of his head.

-Chapter 6, end-


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: **hey it's Clare, there's really nothing important that I have to say but P!nk and Ana Free are a really great inspiration for this story for some oddball reason. Anyway I hope you enjoy and does anyone have any ideas this is the part where I couldn't think of anything when writing the plot outline. but___________________________________________________________________________

"Harry are you alright?" Hermione asked staring at him with concern watching her friend rub at his head over and over again.

"Not really, I think I have a headache." he replied trying to ignore the pulsing in his head. Ugh why couldn't he just stay healthy for one day? Was his immune system really that bad? "Do you have anything that can cure it?"

Hermione stifled a laugh. "I don't think rubbing at your head will help, it'll probably just make it worse."

_Hands grabbing him, cold icy hands that were as black as night. They wanted to pull him they wanted to take him away! - "help me!"- _

"Harry?" He looks up to find both Hermione and Ron still staring at him and he can't really blame him. How normal is having a headache with symptoms that include the voice?

"I'm fine." Harry tries to act confident, tries to act normal but somehow he's sure they don't believe him at all. "Let's just head to lunch okay?" yesterday's information is still reeling around in his head. But with this migraine it hurts to even blink so how can he think about something so confusing at a time like this.

The Great Hall is loud and even noisier than usual when they step in walking quickly over to the Gryffindor Table.

Seamus grins as they sit down. "Harry your finally out of the Hospital Wing."

Harry gives him a wry look. "I'd go insane if I spent another minute there."

_I thought I was gonna die, I was so scared Al._

'_There has to be away for this to stop, maybe I should try Occlumency again? No I won't deal with Snape again. It's not worth that.' _Harry took a bite out of his food trying not to mope. Were those really his only options? Stay crazy listening to voices that only he could hear or deal with Snape and his razor sharp barbs again? Which option was better? Which was worse?

_Nicely done, sweetheart. Clean up after yourselves and take care of each other. _a flash, an image seared in his head. A woman with dark hair and violent eyes. Sad, pain, guilt….

Ron frowned watching as Harry suddenly stopped eating his eyes going wide. He had an ominous feeling that something was about to go wrong.

_Now why in the hell did you two run away without asking for my help first?! _Dark hair, pale face, angry eyes and flames.

Still the images kept coming….

_Alphonse let go of your brother! _the girl had blonde hair and was throwing a wrench into the air. Pretty, Scary, caring.

The redhead's eyes narrowed as Harry's face turned paler and he reached his hand out to shake him. "Harry?"

_I want my body back Brother. I want to be able to feel what you felt, to feel human again. _

Harry closed his eyes seeing the image in his head. A suit of metal? No that wasn't right. Brown-gold hair, grey eyes. _what's your name? what's the problem? I can't help if I don't know what's going on. _

_Al? _

"_What if you're a fake? An imitation? How would you know the difference?"_

"_You helped bring a new life into this world, and that's an invaluable experience."_

"_You're… empty inside!"_

"_Right I should think for myself."_

"Harry? You alright?"

"_I'm not chasing you because I was condemned too. I'm chasing you because I'm pissed!"_

"_If I died the world would just continue to move along as if nothing had happened."_

"_To tell you the truth humans are made pretty cheaply." _

Ron's still whispering in his ear, a vague buzzing that he isn't paying attention too in the least. "Hey mate, what's wrong?"

"_This is the truth… behind truths."_

"_He's my little brother! You can't take him!"_

"_Al…" _

_What? _it'd sounded like someone was whispering in his ears, blocking out every other sound even the memories. Someone….someone. Who was it? His mind racing he focused even harder.

"_Al…"_

Harry's eyes snap open and to find his friends staring at him. "Oh hey, I guess I dozed off a bit." smiling, though he's quaking like a leaf on the inside he takes a bite out of his food.

Ron stared at him disbelieving as Hermione accepted the answer with a barely hide frown and everyone went back to eating. What the bloody hell was going on with Harry? Sure everyone thought he didn't notice things, but even he noticed something was wrong with him. It was almost like Harry was a different person. His eyes widened for a second and then he subtly shook his head. No that couldn't be right, Harry was Harry even if he was acting a bit strange. There was no way he was right, he was never right anyway. Except for when he was.

"We should do something fun." Seamus declared as they left the great hall.

Hermione gave him a look. "We have classes in less than fifteen minutes."

He grinned. "So?" It wouldn't kill her to chill out a bit would it?

"What do you want to do?" Ron asked amused.

Seamus paused apparently not thinking that they'd give in so quickly. "Umm…we could go swimming?"

"It's October, and freezing!" Hermione protested as they started to walk outside. Personally she didn't see how this was going to be fun in anyway, but unfortunately she was out numbered by a lot.

Ginny laughed, both she, Neville and Luna had been invited along. "Lighten up Hermione."

"Fine." She grumbled and then froze staring at the water.

Seamus grinned and darted around Luna before pushing the brunette in, laughing as he did.

She shrieked as her head surfaced above the icy water. "I'm going to get pneumonia thanks to you!" she declared as Luna jumped in next.

Ginny arched her eyebrows. "are all the girls going to have to jump in first or are you boys just that big of cowards?" she asked before jumping in herself. She swam to the middle of the lake cheerfully asking Luna if she wanted to have a race.

Ron and Seamus shared looks before jumping in at the same time.

Neville glanced over at Harry as the other's started a splash-fight. "Harry aren't you going to join in?"

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "No, I think I'm just going to take a break for a bit." Harry looked up staring at Neville as if he had just noticed he was here. "Oh, hey aren't you going to go?"

The other boy laughed nervously. "I'm pretty bad at swimming, I'd probably just drown." he admitted his face turning slightly red.

Harry nodded giving him a smile. "Me too, I never actually learned you know." the Dursley's hadn't spent a lot of time making sure their nephew knew how to swim. In Harry's opinion they probably wanted him to drown.

Neville looked at him surprised. "But you swam great during the tournament."

Harry laughed, if any of his other friends had mentioned the tournament they probably would have froze wondering if they'd set off an emotional time bomb. Perhaps in the past he would have but now… "I think it was more of swim or drown kind of situation." he said wryly. "In any normal situation I probably would have sunk right to the bottom."

Neville laughed. "You wouldn't be alone."

He nods, his small smile slipping away into more serious thoughts. He still hasn't figured out what that little scene in head today was, or what caused it or even why he could see someone else's memories.

"Harry are you alright?" Harry jumped, startled once again lost in his thoughts.

"What? Oh I'm fine." He didn't see Neville's eyes narrow or the small frown that passed over his face for a second.

"You know…" Neville said in a conversational tone as both he and Harry watched the water, watched their laughing friends. "You're a really bad liar."

Harry's gaze snapped up to him and his eyes darkened. "What are you on about Neville?" he asked innocently, faintly. Sometimes there's just too much effort in lying.

"You've been acting strange for days."

His mind raced, "It's just because of the train--"

Neville cut him off. "No, it isn't. you were acting strange long before we got on that train and I want to know why." Green eyes met with brown, engaging in a silent staring contest.

Finally Harry looked away, a little unnerved. "I can explain--" for the second time he was cut off.

"Are you two going to come in the water or what?" Ginny asked waving at them.

Harry glanced back at Neville one more time before racing forward and jumping into the water, ignoring the icy coldness of it all.

Neville watched him from the shore a frown on his face and a dark look in his eyes. '_this isn't over.' _he promised. He wouldn't let Harry fight whatever this was by himself.

"Come on Hermione you have to admit that was fun." Ron said grinning and shivering at the same time.

Hermione didn't say anything instead looking around for her wand. While it had been fun swimming it was also very cold and they were all soaked to the bone except a silent Neville.

"Found it." she said triumphantly before proceeding to dry them all off with a heating charm. She smiled "that's better."

Luna nodded in agreement, absently looking around for any starry Trolins, though it was still too early to get a good view of them. "Thank you." she said politely, her voice the same hazy tone as always.

"Now let's hurry before our next class starts." Hermione said walking forward, in the direction of Professor Sprouts room.

"We went swimming and now we're going to class to get dirty?" Seamus said amused.

Hermione rolled her eyes and didn't slow down.

Neville and Harry were trailing behind, Harry shooting worried looks at the boy out of the corner of his eye. "Harry are we going to finish this or what?" Neville asked quietly, the dark-haired boy stopped for a second and ran forward catching up with Hermione.

'_Sorry Neville, I don't know what's going on so how can I tell someone else.' _Harry thought apologetically as he started a conversation with Hermione about what they did in Charms.

The Gryffindors proved to be more perceptive than there reputation implied having picked up on the tension between the Boy-who-lived and Neville. Harry was nervous and ignoring Neville, not even replying to Hermione and Ron's questions about why. Neville didn't even look the least bit excited in Herbology and that was his favorite class. They knew something was wrong, anyone could see something was wrong. They just didn't know what.

It was late at night when Neville finally cornered Harry. He and Harry were the only ones left in the dorm, the other's were in the common room having a 'small' party and both had opted out of going.

Harry quickly flew into the dorm room before walking over to his bed and hiding under the covers. He was pretending to be asleep when Neville walked in moments later. "Harry get out of bed I know you couldn't have fallen asleep that fast." the other boy said, not amused in the slightest.

Grudgingly he got up and glared at the other. "Can't you just drop it?" He snapped out looking down at the floor. This wasn't the best situation. "I'm fine."

"No your not, you suddenly let the Dursley's and you've always said you've been fine there. You passed out on the train, you get mysteriously sick in the hospital wing, you leave said hospital wing. Have some strange little episode in the bathroom where your eyes were gold!--And I'm pretty positive you don't have contacts at all and now your acting raving mad just so you won't answer any questions. So are you honestly going to tell me that your _fine_?" he was breathing hard by the end of his rant-like speech and his face was a bright pink.

Harry stared at him. "Look I can handle this on my own--"

He was sharply cut off as Neville moved closer than him. "Don't start that, because sometimes people can't handle things on there own and sometimes you need help so why don't we try this again."

Harry sighed collapsing against the bed frame, a few moments later he looked up with hollow eyes. "Alright you want to know what's going on?"

Neville nodded urgently. "Yes!"

"I'm going insane." Harry smirked. "You heard it right, Harry Potter is going insane."

"What?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: **did you know that it's really inspiring listening to Disney songs set to anime videos? Because it is and there came this little ball of string. Anyway TristaDin had a really nice idea and honestly that did help. I hope you don't mind if I use it? It actually made me laugh when I think about it. So all credit for this little sub-idea that's coming up belongs to TristaDin I'm just using it but I don't know how to fit it in so it may take a while but it will happen….sometime. Please enjoy the chapter like always.

* * *

Neville stared at him with wide eyes that slowly relaxed. "Quit joking Harry your not insane."

Harry shook his head a grim smile playing on his lips. "Who said it was a joke?" he leaned against one of his bed posts. He looked almost thoughtful. "Actually I think this is the first time I've been completely honest since summer."

The other boy looked slightly shaken but he still held his ground. "Why do you think your insane?"

The dark-haired boy shrugged listening to the sounds of the party downstairs. He had to make this quick. At any moment one of the others could come back and over hear a very delicate conversation. He had to make Neville understand or drive him away. "I think hearing voices and having hallucinations might make you insane, at least in most parts of the world."

"Hearing things? Couldn't it be like second year." Neville rationalized.

"I haven't been hearing snakes." Harry frowned, what was the best way to explain this? "I've been hearing voices in my head, voices that I've never heard before but sound familiar."

"Is that it?" Neville asked determined. "Your just hearing voices and seeing things?"

Harry cocked his head feeling confused, what did he mean was that it? what else did he want tap-dancing polar bears? "Well no…"

Neville stared at him coolly, he wouldn't run away. Not now. "Well what else is there?"

Green eyes narrowed. "Dreams, there not like visions though because they don't have a damn thing to do with Voldemort. Dreams about death, and alchemy. Dreams where it feels like I'm dying and then sometimes there's dreams where I can't feel like anything at all. Where my voice and every other sound is so far away."

He waited silently for Harry to regain his breathe knowing better than to interrupt now. "It feels like me, it feels like I lived it except I haven't. I don't know a thing about alchemy or about Homunculus. It's frustrating because I know it and I shouldn't." Harry closed his eyes. "The worst part is that I die twice."

Neville's eyebrows rose. "Twice, I see even in your dreams your constantly up to trouble."

Harry gave him a thin smile. "the first time it happens I'm just a kid, younger than the first years even. I'm doing something illegal, something completely forbidden against the laws of humanity."

"What are you doing?" Neville speaks quietly, his eyes still trained on Harry. "What can you do that's so bad you die?"

"I'm trying to bring someone back to life." speaking about it doesn't help, the memories are coming back to him now as if speaking about them out loud opens a gate he can't close. " but it's not just me. There's another boy…"

_Are you sure this is going to work Ed? _"He's positive we'll succeed but I'm not. I'm worried because it's dangerous and unknown." Harry sighs. "the next thing I know I'm dead and it's a very dark place being dead."

"What happens the second time you die?" Neville's trying to connect the dots but it's hard with Harry jumping from one subject to the next.

"I'm older or at least I feel like it. I'm not really sure how much time has passed just that it has. The other boy is there too and he's lying on the floor, his eyes are wide fixated on the ceiling and he's…dead. His killer is there and gloating because he's won."

_no! you can't die…_

_Don't be a fool you know what will happen!_

_This is for you…brother. _

Harry cracks open one eye ignoring the head rush he gets from doing such a simple task. "I have to do something Nev, and before I know it there's this bright light and it's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. It's like flying."

Neville looked thoughtful. "Why would you kill yourself for him?"

The words come out before his brain can think of a proper response. "Because he means everything to me."

Harry sighed rubbing his hand against his face unconsciously covering the barely there tears. "Now do you believe me? Only a crazy person could think up this grand of a delusion."

"Shut up."

Harry stared at him. "what?"

"I said shut up Potter, so just be quiet and listen to me for once." Neville stared at him straight in the eye. "Your not insane, there's another reason for all of this. And I have the strangest belief that your little delusion as you call it is very real."

"What? Why the hell do you think it's real?" Harry asked astonishment in his voice.

Neville smirked. "Because it sounds exactly like you to let yourself die for someone twice."

Harry laughed. "I guess it does." was he really that self-sacrificing?

"Let's go." Neville said get up and walking toward to the door barely glancing back at Harry who hadn't moved an inch.

The other boy looked confused so Neville laughed for a second and then replied, "the Library of course, we have to find out what's wrong with you don't we?" Harry stood up and followed his friend out of the room feeling amused and a bit frustrated. _'Not another Hermione.' _

"Hermione I don't see why we have to do our homework now--" Ron began, starting a familiar argument that all of the older years in the Gryffindor common room easily ignored after years of practice.

Hermione glared at him. "Because the days before it's due you'll go "Don't worry Harry Haermione'll help us" which means you'll want to copy and then on the day it's due you'll beg me for it and eventually I'll give in. Honestly Ron just do your work now and then you wouldn't have this problem."

Harry sighed and stood up shuffling all of his books into his bag, he and Neville had been to the library for the past week and they still hadn't found anything remotely helpful. He was almost tempted to give up, if only not for his Gryffindor stubbornness. "I think I'm going to bed, 'night guys."

Hermione gave him a smile and watching his retreating back until it was far enough up the stairs that she couldn't see or hear him anymore before whirling around and facing Neville, Ron also glowering at him. "Good he's gone."

Ron sent Neville a grin. "Now why don't you tell us what's going on."

"W-what?" Neville stammered out.

"You and Harry have been spending quite a lot of time together." Hermione started calmly, her eye's still watching him like a hawk's.

"We're friends, can't friends spend time together?" Neville pointed out trying to fix the situation before anything happened.

Ron snorted. "In the library?" he ignored the dirty look Hermione sent him.

Neville stared at them coolly and Hermione accepted the challenge. "If Harry wanted you to know what was going on then wouldn't he tell you?" speaking of which, why didn't Harry tell them? They were his best friends after all.

"Because something's wrong with him!" Ron said suddenly, his eyes bright and angry. "He hasn't been himself in days, he isn't eating or sleeping well and he's been in the hospital wing a lot more this year than last year! So something's wrong with our best friend and we want to know what the hell is going on!"

Ron was breathing heavily by the end of his speech but he didn't care. He didn't care that he sounded like a petulant child at that moment, or that his temper had once again gotten the better of him. That his classmates and friends were looking at him like he was insane. He only cared about one thing right now. What the hell was going on with his best friend and why the hell hadn't Harry told them anything? They had always shared things, the three of them closer than anyone else and now suddenly they weren't? what changed?

"I'm sorry." Neville glancing at both of them furtively. What did you say in a situation like this?

Ron opened his mouth to speak barely stopping to take a breathe and Neville prepared himself for the rant, the anger. "It's alright." Hermione's soft quiet and cool voice cut in effectively stopping both Ron and Neville.

"Hermione?" Ron stared at the brown-haired witch, her head down and her hands clenched at her side.

"Really we get it, even if it doesn't seem like it right now." She pauses for a second. "But we're just worried. Our best friend is suddenly cut off from us, he's fighting something we can't understand and he wont let us help at all. It's very…" for once she struggles for a word.

"Frustrating as hell?" Ron offers and Hermione laughs nodding her head in agreement.

Hermione looks at Neville, sharp and intense every bit a lioness. "But you can help him can't you? For whatever reason we can't help him fight this, we're separated from him on so many levels right now and he needs someone."

Ron sighs, "What she means is that you better help him or we'll kill you." he gives him a grin that isn't so much a grin but a veiled promise.

Neville stares at them, two people weary and every bit as battle scarred as Harry. They've always been the golden trio, different from everyone else even their own house. And yet they're not that different. Just scarred and worn-out from fights year after year. _'Will I be like them after helping Harry?' _he wonders.

"You know he wants to tell you." Neville can't stand the lost look on their face, someone might as well have killed their puppy. "he just can't."

"Why can't he? What's stopping him?" Ron challenges quietly, his anger diminished.

Neville shrugs, he understands Harry's state of mind less than they do. He's not even sure Harry understands what goes on in his own head. "I don't know why but he can't. there's some force stopping him."

"He's probably waiting to figure it out." Hermione states, the mood lightening. "he's always a procrastinator and so damn self-sacrificing that he's probably waiting until he figures out all the puzzle pieces before he'll tell us."

"Doesn't even think about asking for help." Ron agrees. "the bloody bastard."

"heh, tell me about it." Hermione laughs and that's that.

Neville shook his head and wondered just what he's got himself into. _'I'm going to go crazy just like Harry aren't I?' _

-end, Chapter 8-

* * *

So that wasn't too bad of a chapter, not terribly exciting I admit but it should hold you lot over until the next one. I'm thinking about making a little oneshot about Neville, trust me it deals with this story and it will tie into the plot so be on the look out for it. I hope you all like the chapter and remember to drive safely.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: Hi everyone thanks for reviewing I was actually pretty surprised about the review count for last chapter, I guess you guys really like Neville? Anyway thanks for that and Happy Thanksgiving I hope you eat a nice Turkey/Tofu Turkey. My Neville story should be up eventually so be on the look out alright.

Right now the story is set about the beginning of December, so it's slightly snowy. (I just didn't want there to be any confusion about the time line)

* * *

"Damn it." Harry muttered sitting down at the table, a dark scowl on his face. A few brave younger years glanced at him but were quickly warded off by the string of curses and murmuring.

Hermione looked up for the first time in what seemed like hours too notice one of her best friends in mid crisis. She glanced back at her ancient runes homework and then at Harry before regretfully closing the unfinished page. "What's wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?" Harry asked and when she opened her mouth to reply he continued. "I mean what could be wrong, there is a dark wizard who's practically immortal and his group of evil doers out after my head, I'm an orphan I've been stuck with people who hate me for years and did I mention I'm going constantly sick and am now labeled insane by the public and my oh-so-wonderful government?"

She stared at him with wide eyes not knowing what to say and he just sighed, "Sorry I shouldn't have ranted like that. It's not like you did anything to me." he gave her an apologetic smile.

"It's fine we all know your under a lot of stress, it's to be expected." She said rationally.

Harry grinned as a thought came to him. "Maybe I could take a vacation that might help. Don't you think?"

Hermione laughed. " You wouldn't know what to do with yourself, all that time with nobody to save. Your ego couldn't handle it." she smiled playfully glad that Harry was relaxing a little bit.

"Maybe with my luck I'm sure I could find a damsel in distress, maybe a burning building. You know the usual." Harry looked around.

"It's just frustrating. My situation right now." The brunette kept silent resisting the urge to prod and poke him about exactly what his situation was.

"Neville and I we've been looking and looking and we can't find anything. Or maybe we've found it and we just didn't notice it?" Harry's mind raced with possibilities each more puzzling than the next.

"That's why I think today will be a good change for you." Hermione interrupted hiding the grin that threatened to cross over her face when Harry looked up stopping his rambling.

"What?" he asked confused.

She stood up and stretched her aching muscles proceeding to pack all of her things up before she answered him. " We are going to Hogsmeade." she announced grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the doors.

Harry stared at her like she was nuts. "What?" he repeated.

"Didn't you hear me? I said we meaning You, Ron, Neville, Luna and I are going to Hogsmeade. The other's are already there waiting for us."

"What? Why?" Harry asked running to catch up with her fast-paced strides.

Hermione stopped for a second and Harry almost ran into her. "You need a break, we all do actually." she admitted. "things…aren't really the best right now."

He opened up his mouth to say something most likely sorry and she stopped him holding up one pale hand. "I'm not blaming you so shut up, what I was going to say before you interrupted was that we all felt it'd be nice to do something fun and well we really do need a break."

"Right." He nodded as they started walking again. "I get that."

"Good…." She smiled turning her head at angle so that Harry could almost swear her teeth looked like fangs in the sunlight. "Because If you hadn't I would have had to clobber you with the heaviest book I could find."

Despite the fact that it was barely fall, that it hadn't even turned cold yet Harry Potter shuddered.

Hermione grinned.

* * *

(Hogsmeade, The Three Broomsticks)

"I take it you told him." Ron said dryly as the two sat down at the table. Among Ron there was also Luna and Neville who was chatting happily about something Herbology-related. The look Ron sent them couldn't be anything more than relief.

Hermione sighed dramatically. "It took a lot of work but I finally got him to go outside, after assuring him that nothing bad was going to happen of course.."

Harry shook his head in disbelief. "Could you stop making me sound paranoid? It doesn't help."

The redhead laughed and took a drink before answering. "Trust me mate, that's exactly how you sound--paranoid."

"Extremely paranoid." Neville agreed smirking at the glare Harry sent him.

Harry kept glaring for a few minutes but finally decided to drop it and not let the topic bother him. His bad moods were always like this lately, angry one second and then he'd be calm. He couldn't make heads or tails of it.

The topics quickly diverged into quidditch and Hermione sighed before pulling out a book and quickly involved herself in another world. Harry decided to take her idea but went in a different direction instead just listening to the others debate if Ireland would be in the world cup again.

"I'm not saying that Britain won't win I just think Ireland has a better chance." Seamus argued, having snuck over from his own table a few minutes before. He glanced at Ron and hid a grin. "They definitely have a better chance then the Cannons."

Ron turned slightly red. "The Cannons are in good shape this year." he defended.

Neville snorted. "Good shape? They've lost six games and it's only been two months since the season started. Face it there going to lose."

Harry hid a laugh as Ron, ever the loyal fan tried to defend his team. That was always something to like about Ron he was loyal, well for the most part. There was only one gap on his almost defining trait. That fight in fourth year. _'That was a bad year all around, the year after that wasn't so great either, hopefully this year's a turning point.' _"What do you think Harry?" Neville asked the silent boy.

"What? Umm Ireland definitely." Harry said absently.

_Alphonse… _Harry looked around the crowded room, a sound ringing in his ears. The whole place was crowded, mostly with Hogwarts students all itching for a break but some of the people were older wizards. Amidst the noise, the cheering laughter and orders for more butterbeer he could hear something else. _Alphonse…_

"Harry?" Hermione's voice snapped him out of his trance and only then did he notice that he was standing up, his feet ready to move.

"Sorry thought I heard someone say my name." his face was a bright red as he sat down and it was noticeable in the lighting.

"Ah, hearing your adoring fans?" Ron teased, a grin spreading across his face.

Neville gave him a smile. "Maybe it was someone asking for help?" he suggested.

Harry nodded even though he really didn't think that was it. It didn't sound like someone asking for help or one of his 'fans' it was different. Familiar. Like someone who had said his name many times before. Someone who knew him. _We're going to bring her back…_

"--give me my book back!" Hermione shrieked, her hand dangerously close to Harry's face as she reached over to grab her book. The dark-haired girl was glaring at Ron who snickered before tossing her book to Seamus.

"Honestly 'Mione if you wouldn't read all the time and just take a break then I wouldn't have to take your book." Ron said not at all bothered by her fruitless attempts to grab the book that was now being passed around the table.

Luna nodded in agreement watching 'the game' with amused eyes. "I think we should move from the table." She advised as Neville unwillingly joined the fray.

"Right." Harry stood up and followed her to the nearest wall watching as the three boys fought Hermione. He couldn't help but be reminded of a game that Dudley and his friends played in primary school. They'd always take someone else's things and play keep away until they finally gave up in defeat, he knew that wasn't the only version of the game just the one he knew.

"Shouldn't we help her?" Harry didn't really know what to do, he knew it'd only be a matter of time before Hermione got seriously angry and then the whole break would be over.

Luna gazed at them happily. "Their only playing." she said dismissively. "and besides Hermione will win, she'll find a clever way to gain the upper hand."

Harry stared at her unconvinced and then was distracted by a shout, "If you so much as dare to take my book outside I'll kick both of your asses." Hermione shouted, her eyes glinting with thinly veiled laughter.

Ron laughed before running outside book in hand, Seamus looked at the bushy-haired girl for a moment before following just as fast. "Come on Harry." Luna tugged on his hand leading him and Neville out the door.

Harry wanted to burst out laughing when he saw that Luna had been right. Hermione was winning. She was glaring at the boys while pelting him with bubbles , adrenaline increasing her speed.

She only stopped her attack when she caught sight of Harry and the other's. Hermione glanced down at the soaked boys before grabbing her book and walking over toward them.

"All's well that ends well." Harry commented dryly.

Hermione laughed. "I suppose so, it was surprisingly fun." she admitted, her skin flushed pink from the cold.

Neville looked around uncomfortable. "Where do you guys want to go now." A chorus of answers greeted him all different.

"Why don't we split up?" Harry suggested guessing that the other's would probably start arguing soon.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hermione was torn, on one hand she wanted to go to the bookstore but was that really the safest idea?

Harry smiled encouragingly, "of course it is, You and Luna can go to the book store, Ron and Seamus can go to the quidditch store, and I'll go with Neville to Honeydukes."

"Fine but let's meet up in an hour." Hermione yelled before racing off in the direction of the bookstore Luna slowly following her. Seamus and Ron took off in the opposite direction laughing and walking at the same pace.

Harry looked at Neville who looked nervous. "let's go then?"

More and more students were heading back to Hogwarts as the weather grew colder and colder. Still they stayed in Honeydukes for longer than an hour, mostly for the warmth than for the candy. By the time they left the wind was blowing hard enough to rattle the windows, and almost pry the doors off of all the shops.

"Hermione's going to kill us! We're already late." Harry groaned running a hand through his messy hair.

Neville laughed. "Afraid of Hermione?"

The other boy grinned and increased his speed. "Wouldn't you be?"

Neville paused, considering this for a second before replying. "I guess I would be but I can think of worse things." he said quietly obviously giving the question some thought.

Harry looked at him curiously. "Like what?" the words came out of his mouth before his brain could stop them. Why the hell had he just asked that? What was worse than your parents being insane? Surely not a pissed off stubborn girl that would lecture them for hours.

"Sorry." he apologized. "I didn't realize how rude that sounded."

Neville laughed. "why do you think it sounded rude?"

"Well it's prying and I've experienced enough of it to know that most people don't like it when other people but into their lives." Harry's face was red from embarrassment. He, of all people really should have known better.

"It'd probably annoy me if most people did it but not my friends." Neville decided. "And you are my friend aren't you?" his new confidence seemed to fade for a second and he stared at Harry nervously.

"Of course I am." Harry agreed.

Neville nodded but kept silent.

"So'd you finish that Transfigurations essay?" Harry asked, noticing the uncomfortable feeling in the air. Why did he have to open his mouth? Things had been nice, like it was with Ron and Hermione and he just blew it. Probably lost what could have been a good friend.

"Yeah, I finished it a while ago." Harry stared at him in disbelief. A while ago? It had only been assigned _yesterday. _

Harry's mind however wasn't on the assignment anymore. Something else was bugging him. Had been bugging him since they left Honeydukes. It taken a while but finally he figured out was pricking his senses. _fear. _

Harry stopped and Neville stopped when he realized that Harry wasn't moving anymore. His eyes glazed over, staring at something only he could see.

"Harry are you al--" His sentence was cut off as the ground lurched and pieces of earth flew into the air. Crashing windows, signs, and the like. Amidst the chaos Neville grabbed onto Harry pulling him down to the ground and out of the way of the earthquake in midair.

Dust blew into the air and Harry could hear people screaming, only this time it wasn't just in his head.

Harry glanced over at Neville as he shielded his face. Neville didn't bother to ask any questions, didn't ask what was happening or what they should do. Instead he had his wand out at the ready and Harry quickly followed his idea.

"we have to get everyone out of here." Harry shouted, straining to make his voice louder than the roar of the wind that was quickly growing louder and louder.

Neville nodded, but his eyes were completely focused on the road ahead of him.

Harry closed his eyes for a second trying to remember how to breathe. He had been in fights before now so why was this different? Because he didn't know what he was fighting? No, he never knew what he was fighting. What was it? What the hell was it?

_Alphonse! _

_Bright lights that made him close his eyes, and then for the first time in years there was heat. There was fire. There was everything he had missed about being human, being able to feel._

_Al! _

_He gave it all up. _

"Harry look out!" Neville yelled and his voice sounded far away.

His eyes snapped open just in time to see the fireball heading toward him.

Cursing Harry jumped to his feet and ran across the street ignoring the almost white hot pain in his legs. When he got to the other side of the street where Neville was he noticed that the blonde haired boy wasn't alone.

Some third years and fourth years stared at him, their eyes radiating with fear. Harry gave them a weak smile. "Don't worry you're all going to be fine."

Neville's eyes narrowed and then turned back toward the road.

Suddenly a sound filled the air louder than anything else he had heard in the last few minutes. "Come out come out, is ittle baby Potter afraid?"

Neville's arm snapped out just as Harry jumped forward almost springing to his feet before the force of the pull got hold of him.

Harry couldn't think clearly his mind filled with an indescribable hate. _'Bellatrix!' _it showed and the rage was pushing against him almost overwhelming him.

"Harry calm down, think of everyone else. If you go out there then who's going to help me get them somewhere safe? Besides if you leave now without knowing how many are out there then your already dead as soon as you move." Neville whispered harshly.

'_What the hell was I just going to do?' _Harry nodded and pushed away the anger. He'd get her eventually but right now wasn't the time. "How far are we from Honeydukes?" Harry asked.

A third year boy stared at him. "W-What?"

Neville held up a hand waiting patiently for Harry to finish as the voices got closer.

"How far?" Harry barked out, not caring if he scared them.

A fourth year girl who looked considerably calmer than the rest of them though still a bit nervous, her hands shaking, answered. "Approximately one point two roads away."

Harry looked at her. "You're a Ravenclaw aren't you?"

he turned back toward Neville. "under Honeydukes is a passage way that leads back to the school, go there and get back safely. By now everyone should know what's going on but if they don't then tell them. Tell Dumbledore it's the death eaters."

Neville stared at him for a second, before his eyes turned blank. "understood." confused the younger years followed him as he walked toward the back of the alley.

Still confused most of them jumped when he made a shield surrounding all of them but Harry. "Reducto!" He yelled out watching as the bricks fell crumbled into pieces. "Follow me and keep your wands at the ready." he commanded them before stepping out past the wall and into the empty street.

"Harry?" Harry looked up stopping all of his plans of defensive and offensive attacks. "I'm coming back for you so don't die."

Harry waited until they left before standing up and walking toward the entrance of the street, Bellatrix's voice bating him on. "Got it."

* * *

'_What the hell is going on?' _Hermione thought as the ground started vibrating. The air was growing hotter and she swore almost every Hogwarts student still in Hogsmeade was screaming.

"Protego!" she shouted watching as simultaneously a shield came up surrounding the students and the rocks flew back in the direction of their attackers.

"Everyone stay calm!" Ron yelled out, as he and Seamus tried to calm the group.

"Protego Horribilis!" Luna looked as calm as ever as if the upcoming fight had no affect on her.

Hermione shot her a grateful smile as other Defense Against the dark arts members stepped forward to help. She only let her guard down for that one second before her mind started racing for ideas, recalling every single defensive spell she could remember.

"So you want to play it that way?" An older man with straggly hair was leading the death eaters. His eyes were a dark stained gold, and his skin was covered in scars. When he smiled she swore she saw fangs.

Suddenly an image came to her, from a book she had read in third year. "Fenrir Greyback." she breathed out, the pounding of her heart echoing in her ears.

The werewolf smiled wider.

* * *

"fuck." Harry cursed dodging a red light that narrowly missed hitting his shoulder. Three or four death eaters surrounded him and he could only imagine that many more were out there terrorizing the town.

Bellatrix laughed in delight, her features twisted with mad glee. "is that the best you got baby potter? Don't you want to kill your dear godfather's murder?" she taunted twirling to dodge his own spell.

Harry almost stopped as a new smarter if not a bit improvised strategy came to him. "Your pathetic you know that? Your so weak, so magically incapable that you can't even fight a teenager by yourself."

_If your enemy has a choleric, seek to anger him. _

She stopped, her wand aimed. "what did you say to me?" Harry could see the change in her, her eyes were darker with anger and her face grew tense.

Harry smirked. "I don't know what's more pathetic you or your halfbreed master." he smiled widely. "oh didn't you know? Your lord's the same as me."

She snarled pushing back the other death eaters. "Do not insult my lord!"

Harry darted away knowing she'd follow him. "then why don't you defend his honor."

Bellatrix paused for a second, as if listening to something only she could hear before she stepped forward, her motions much more chaotic than before. "That's an excellent idea." she purred before he started running.

'_This didn't work out the way I wanted!' _Harry thought looking back to see the pieces of the road coming up into the air and hitting the ground. _'Damn Mustang!' _

"You can run and run ittle Potter but I'll always find you. We will always find you." the mad woman shouted shooting off a spell.

The spell was bright blue and Harry screamed when it hit his leg sending him tumbling to the ground. Harry used his arms to make sure that his head didn't hit the ground but his body still jerked from the impact. The only part of him that wasn't moving was his now bleeding leg, the spell had torn away most of the skin between his ankle and his knee.

When he tried moving it Harry started to panic, moving it just an inch sent a burning-white pain through his system and it made him want to black out, if only so he wouldn't have to feel the fire burning up his blood. "w-what did you do to me?" he croaked out as Bellatrix stepped nearer.

Her dark eyes glittered with amusement, and fond memories. "It's a spell we use on our victims sometimes, did you know I used this on little baby Longbottom's Parents?"

Harry struggled to sit up. "don't talk about Neville's parents, Your nowhere near there level you bitch."

"Crucio." Her voice was cool and surprisingly collected.

Delirious with pain Harry could only think that despite her madness Bellatrix's was an efficient torturer, it had to be the one thing she did without her insanity affecting her. Or maybe that's why she was so good. She had no limits.

His limbs were shaking and he couldn't help wondering where his friends were, where the order was. Weren't they supposed to help him? Was it better that they didn't see him like this or worse that he had to die alone? _Stop thinking like that, your not dead yet. _

"I'm…." he paused to breathe as she stopped for a second thinking of the next torture. "That…you haven't killed…me yet."

Bellatrix stared at him impassively. "my lord wants to save you for himself, and who am I to deny him this request?" she smiled, her gaunt sunken in face stretching from the effort. "He mentioned that I was allowed to help prepare you."

Harry froze for a second, would he have to endure this again? How could anyone handle this? "It's not going to come to that." he said firmly. "I'll kill myself just to deny you the pleasure."

The idea looked like it delighted her more than possible, of course anything involving death delighted her. "Maybe if you beg for your life, if you tell me that my lord is better than the very dirt that your mud blood mother lies beneath then I'll let you faint? Wouldn't you like some peace?" she cooed.

"Shut up!" he snarled. "My parents are better than you ever were, everyone even my uncle is better than you!" ignoring the pain in his leg he stood up.

She stalked closer toward him, circling him like a predator would it's prey. "surely there is something worse? My lord perhaps."

Harry shook his head trying not to focus on the blotchy spots that were starting to come in front of his eyes. He couldn't black out now! He'd be dead in an hour if he did. _'I just have to wait until I can get some help.' _he thought faintly.

_I can think of worse things. _Neville's voice echoed in his head even as he heard Bellatrix's cooing voice ask, "if he missed his beloved godfather."

A picture flashed in his head.

_Blood on the floor, the sound of a woman laughing in triumph, a girl's helpless voice and a baby shrieking. "I killed him! I finally killed that bastard's son!" _

_His eyes were still open but they were lifeless, his warm skin was cooling down by the seconds and he saw his life ebbing away. "Brother."_

Harry stared at her, struggling to stand. "Your wrong you know. There are worse things then you, and your damned master! I've lived worse things, I've seen worse things and damn it I'm not going to do it."

Bellatrix's voice cut through him. "Crucio!" she shrieked out and Harry felt, that this one was stronger than the others. Apparently she had finally lost her cool, her anger was evident and he smiled in success. He didn't let the panic show on his face as she cursed him. _'how do I know this is going to work? If it doesn't then I'm dead.'_

_Because it's a part of who you are. _

"I'm not going to let you win." Harry's hands pressed together before slamming down to the ground.

Bright light filled the air, and then so did a scream.

-chapter end-

* * *

So how did you guys like the super long chapter? And trust me it was long, twelve pages! Originally I only planned to do six at the most. I didn't just do it for you people though, I really got involved in the story and well I kinda wanted to find out what happened next. So for that to continue I needed to actually make the chapter long. It's a nice little treat for all you who have really shown that you guys like this story. And for those of you who are asking, Kitty-cat Edward will probably be in the next chapter.

Anyway I hope you like it and I'm sorry about the cliff hanger. Oh and before I forget the spell that Luna uses is basically a stronger version or at least similar to "Protego" and I don't know if you know but writing the scene with Bellatrix and Harry was possibly my favorite scene in the whole chapter. It was fun writing evil.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: **For the past week this story has been plaguing my mind. It's kinda irritating to be honest but at least I can actually right a chapter for this story, for my other ones there kinda on hiatus. Anyway it seemed like you guys really like this chapter so I hope you like this one. And I think we're almost towards the part that I really want to be at. And HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Also if anyone is interested in being a beta reader for this story and/or my other stories. Well that'd be pretty cool.

* * *

"W-what the hell was that?" Harry cursed out, unsuccessfully struggling to move his legs. The hit from the bright light had rebounded and hit him, further injuring his hurt leg and possibly breaking the other one. _'If I can't walk then how the hell am I supposed to survive?' _

He looked around the rubble that once made a street and wanted to sigh in relief. If he was injured then at least Bellatrix had to be injured as well. "Come on Potter time to get moving." he muttered trying to give himself a pep-talk while slowly crawling, that movement hurt less than walking or trying to standing.

A groan filled the air, and he frozen barely a few inches away from where he had started. Holding his breathe he waited, for another sound, another twitch of life. It seemed like hours before he deemed it safe enough to move.

Every few seconds he froze listening cautiously for any sound. If Bellatrix woke up, then he'd be dead no matter what Voldemort had ordered. Harry hissed out in anger and in pain. Finally he stopped and rested against one of the large boulders, drained from moving in the small amount. "this is hopeless I can't move any farther, even if I wanted to."

Besides he'd die soon from the blood loss anyway. And may that was the best way to go, a seemingly pain-free way to die. He deserved that didn't he? It was better then being tortured to death by Voldemort, pleading for his life and then dieing from Avada Kedavra.

_Coward. _

Harry closed his eyes, was he really going to spend his last few moments alive arguing with the voices in his head. "I'm not a coward, I'm just thinking realistically." one side of him though did have to admit that this was a coward's way out.

_I deserve this, after everything I've been through I'm allowed to have a peaceful death aren't I? _

Looking at his legs he decided to take a realistic and logical approach for the next few moments. One of his legs was either broken or badly sprained and the other one, well he could see the bone. He was losing blood and losing it fast. And it didn't seem like help was coming, despite what Neville said. His vision was getting splotchy now and he was almost ready to pass out, _for the last time. _

_Maybe death wouldn't be so bad…_

An image of his friends, of his classmates and everyone else he knew flashed in his head. "That's right I can't die, can I? if I do then what happens to everyone else." Harry sighed, breathing harshly.

_Brother…_

_Gold eyes, and golden hair. A metal arm, and that annoying yet familiar grin. That confident arrogance that drove him and everyone else crazy. _

"Fine I won't die not yet." Harry closed his eyes one hand pressing down on his leg so that he wouldn't fall asleep and pass out.

_Creak._

His eyes snapped open, at the sound and he looked around warily.

The street was still empty, most of the exits were covered by dirt and boulders lined the streets. Clouds of dust still floated in the air every now and then, making it harder to breathe and to see. Dimly he could hear the sound of people but it was far away, to far away for him to recognize whether it was help or harm coming.

_nothing. _

Still he couldn't relax, his nerves were tense and ready to try to bolt as soon as he heard the next sound.

_Creak. _

No, not nothing. Harry kept his eyes trained directly in front of him watching the piles of rocks and waiting for Bellatrix to move again.

* * *

"Crucio." Luna threw up another shield, watching the bushy-haired witch's back as she participated in a strange dance-like duel. Not to far from them Seamus and Ron were doing the same thing. One fighting and the other defending. They weren't the only ones either. D.A. members were fighting in the same style, while some of them were helping the younger years keep up a constant shield.

"Give up yet?" Luna's attention turned toward Ron and Seamus for a second who had to be dueling the Lestrange brothers. Quickly she looked back at Hermione who was having trouble standing her ground against Greyback.

Luna silently cast another protection spell, thankful that it wasn't the full moon or they'd all be dead or change by now.

"Stupefy." Hermione said, dodging a blue spell that shattered a lamp post when hit. Her attention, her mind was fully turned toward the duel. She trusted Luna to watch her back and she'd make sure that the younger girl stayed safe. "Expulso!" she shouted watching as the ground near Greyback blow to pieces. The explosion slammed him into the second but he was up mere minutes later, taking less time to recover then a normal witch or wizard would.

"When's help coming?" Hermione shouted her eyes still on Greyback's form. Luna dodged another stray spell before answer, "Soon as the nargles retreat."

Hermione barely resisted the urge to scowl at her and instead shrieked. "Can't you speak clearly? Now's not exactly the time for riddles."

"Petrificus Totalus." Greyback said watching as the brown-haired witch almost blocked the spell only to fall to the ground, leaving the blonde-haired girl to defend her.

"HERMIONE!" Ron shouted trying to run toward them.

"fight your own fight boy." one of the death eaters advised sending a blue curse at him that caused him to shriek as the left side of his body froze.

"Any advise Luna?" Seamus shouted as he and another D.A. member stepped in to continue the duel .

She shook her head stepping forward. "Stupefy." Luna's battling style was different then Hermione's. her curses and hexes went off at a rapid fire speed wasting no time. "Wingardium Leviosa. Impedimenta. Incendio. Confringo. Conjuctivitus!"

Seamus whistle glancing at her while sending an spell towards the death eaters. "Nice job Luna." the girl nodded, and continued casting spells until she heard the familiar crackle of apparition.

Luna stopped and retreated to the sidelines of the battle watching as various witches and wizards came to help, the most prominent being some of the teachers from the school and Professor Dumbledore. "The nargles are retreating." she repeated quietly. Watching as the death eaters started disappearing one by one.

"Luna?"

* * *

Bellatrix's head felt even more disorganized then usual when she pried herself up and out of the rock pile she had been trapped under. Her shoulders were badly injured and she was almost positive she had a concussion. _that brat… _she thought her mind going into a raging madness. She couldn't believe that Potter had done that. Who knew he had such power? Her lord of course probably did, and she was sure he wouldn't be pleased with this _setback. _

Her dark eyes looked around the battle field, wondering if the other death eaters had been foolish enough to retreat without her. They stopped suddenly, staring into dark green eyes. "Is ittle Potter unable to move?" she cooed, a malice-filled smile coming over her face. Maybe she'd still have time to play after all.

Harry looked at her, eyes incomprehensible. "Maybe so, but I still can beat you. I know that much Bellatrix." he looked around warily. "I know that your fellow death eaters left, that order members are going to arrive any minute and I know your just as hurt as I am."

She smiled at him, her teeth looking like fangs for a second and Harry had to blink to reassure himself that she did not have fangs. "Is that so? If your precious order is coming then I still have a few moments yet." she stalked forward, moving considerably faster than Harry thought she could.

'_Does madness block out pain?' _he wondered. "I'm not in the mood for fun." he told her, grabbing his wand from where it had been buried in the dirt.

"Protego." he muttered, watching as the shield surrounded him. He hoped that it would last until someone came to help.

She smirked. "Finite Incantatem." the shield disappeared and she came closer.

Harry's mind was racing, wondering when it was the best time to make his move. And still Bellatrix's was moving, her injuries not bothering her in the least. She was even closer now, mere inches away. The perfect distance for either of them to cast a spell that could do some actual damage.

_Just a bit closer. _slowly and discreetly he lifted up his wand waiting until she was almost completely near him. If he wanted this to work, then he'd have to be faster than one of Voldemort's 'Lieutenants.'

When he could finally stare in her crazed eyes he quickly cast his spell. "Obliviate!" he shouted putting all the force he could into the spell. He couldn't afford for Bellatrix to remember what had just happened. If she remembered that he had done something, something that even he had no idea about then Voldemort would know. And Voldemort would somehow find a way to use it against him.

Bellatrix confused and disoriented looked around once before disappearing with a loud crack that echoed in his now ringing ears. Harry sighed, as weariness overcame him. He really had put all of his energy into that spell.

"Harry!" the dark-haired wizards head shot up and he looked around to find Neville, Ron and Luna running toward him. Ron stopped a bit away staring at Harry's wounded figure with shock.

Neville walked toward him looking for something specific. "Where's Bellatrix." he didn't stutter like the old Neville would have, and he didn't look around nervously. He simply stood there staring down at Harry.

Ron's eyes widened as he came closer toward his friend. "Bellatrix?" his voice rose an octave which made Luna glance over at him.

Luna gave him a curious look. "Ron you've been fighting death eaters for half an hour." she told him cheerfully.

Ron shrugged. "I know but I didn't end up looking like that!" He said pointing down at Harry.

Harry stared at Neville for a second before looking away. "She left a little bit again, of course she didn't leave me in the best shape." he said gesturing to his legs. He was sure the only reason he was still able to talk was because of the pure adrenaline still rushing through his veins.

Neville nodded and looked at Ron. "Let's help him up, he looks like he's losing a lot of blood."

"Gee whatever gave you that impression?" Harry grumbled as they helped him to his feet. His legs were so injured that he had to lean on both of them for support.

Luna stopped them, her eyes trained on Harry's broken leg. "Ferula." she whispered watching as it bound Harry's leg in a splint. Ron gave him a sympathetic look having had the same spell cast on him three years before.

"So I take it your not going to play in the next quidditch game." Ron said conversationally.

Harry snickered. "I don't think I can play with my legs like this."

Ron shrugged, trying to keep the mood light as they came closer and closer toward where most of the order was. "You've been in worse situations, remember when you lost all the bones in your arm?"

Harry rolled his eyes, listening half hardly to the upcoming sound of voices. "that was after we played the game Ron." he reminds him even though he can't quite keep the grin off his face.

"Harry!" someone shrieks and the next second he's breathing in the scent of Hermione's shampoo while trying not to wince. Behind her are many people he recognizes; Molly Weasley who is now fussing over Ginny and Ron, Remus who looks wearier then he should and Harry can't help but notice that Tonks is right by his side supporting a cut cheek and holding her arm to her chest. Dumbledore was right behind them, discreetly scanning them over.

Hermione finally pulled away and looks at him with relief. "I can't believe we're all alright."

Ron shakes his head looking down at Harry's leg grimly. "Not all of us." he says and Hermione follows his train of sight.

"Harry what happened to your leg!?" Her shriek attracts the attention of the crowd and Harry wishes they would just stop talking all at once.

He looks around and decides to just give them one answer. "I'm mostly alright, I think one of my legs are broken and the other one is pretty badly torn up. And as for how this happened I was fighting Bellatrix."

Mrs. Weasley's face turns red, and her eyes narrowed as she starts muttering under her breath things that would even make her sons blush. Amidst everything Tonks is the one who suggestions that the kids be taken to the hospital wing and have a full exam done.

"You never know what spells may have been cast." She said wisely, looking entirely more serious then Harry has ever seen her look.

Somehow Neville and Ron manage to help him get all the way to the hospital wing, with the adults in the front talking in hushed tones while Hermione and Luna tell Ginny what happened during the fight.

Pomfrey looks over all of them but the only ones who need to stay are Harry and Ron who had been hit with a hex that froze almost all of his nerves. Harry didn't have the guts or the energy to ask if it was anything at all like brain freeze.

The adults are still in the room even as the evening grows darker and the others are sent unwillingly to bed. Mrs. Weasley and Pomfrey fusses over both of them as Tonks waits patiently shuffling her feet.

As soon as they two backed off, Tonks stepped forward. "I need you both to tell me anything you can remember about the battle." it took Harry a second to realize that he was not talking to normal funny Tonks but to the Auror.

"Today was a Hogsmeade day. We we're all there--Ron, Hermione, Neville, Seamus, Luna and me. About half way through the day we decided to split up. I went with Neville to Honey Dukes, while Luna went with Hermione to the bookstore and Ron and Seamus went to the Quidditch store." Harry listed off even though his throat was now starting to hurt.

Tonks nodded. "When did the fighting start?"

Harry paused for a second before continuing. "About Sundown, Neville and I were already late so we were in a hurry to head back. Suddenly the ground started shaking and we quickly ran for safety. We found a group of younger students and Neville lead them back to the school. I don't know what happened to them but I assume Neville got them there safely. I don't know how it happened but a few minutes later I was surrounded by Bellatrix Lestrange and other death eaters that were wearing masks. The other death eaters disappeared while I was dueling Bellatrix."

"She…cast the Cruciatus curse on me a few times, and then cast a spell that caused the flesh on one of my legs to peel away. My wand got away from me and I didn't have any form of protection. One of her spells went wrong though. And it rebounded and hit her along with me, it broke my leg. And then when she woke up she just disappeared." He couldn't tell them everything, such as challenging Bellatrix to duel him alone or the fact that he had somehow managed to knock her unconscious for a few minutes. He didn't think he could explain it, so lying however lightly was the only way.

Tonks stared at him for a long time, before finally nodding and started to interview Ron. Remus walked over to his bed and sat down in the chair next to it, looking years older then when Harry had last seen him.

"Honestly are you alright?" Remus asked glancing down at him. Harry looked over at him, noticing the many new scars and cuts.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? The full moon was only a few days ago and your already up and moving." Harry said shooting him a disapproving look.

Remus laughed but it was slightly worn out. "For a second you sounded just like Lily. She never knew why I was 'sick' but she always worried about me. She worried constantly about everyone actually." he smiled and the lines seemed to fade away from his face. "You shouldn't worry about me, I'm used to my _situation. _you however should not be in the hospital wing this often."

Harry nodded. "I know but I can't really help it. It's not like I ask for these kind of things to happen. That's not an excuse by the way but just a statement."

Remus shook his head his eyes straying towards Tonks. "And are you alright?" he said quietly.

"I'm going to be just fine, Remus." Harry paused. "You really shouldn't worry about me you know." he repeated.

Amber eyes stared at him. "It's hard not too. I promised both your parents and Sirius that I would watch over you." Harry tried to ignore the fact that Remus's voice seemed sadder now.

'_I hate Voldemort.' _he thought surprised at the sudden rush of anger and hatred he felt in him. "I'm going to be fine trust me."

The tawny haired man nodded but didn't look convinced. "Do you have any plans for Christmas?" he asked changing the subject which Harry was grateful for.

Harry sighed. "Actually I haven't even thought about that. I know for a fact that my relatives are out of the question completely, I don't really want to bother Mr. and Mrs. Weasley any more than I have. So honestly I have no idea. I'll probably have to stay here." he knew that Hermione was going on vacation with her parents and that Ron's family was going to visit Charlie in Romania as a Christmas gift. _'Maybe being alone for Christmas won't be that bad?' _

Remus looked torn for a second and Harry waited patiently for him to get out whatever he had to say. "If you really feel that way, then I wouldn't mind if you spent Christmas with me."

The younger wizard looked at him surprised. Spend Christmas with Remus? He didn't want to impose on the man. He didn't actually know how to act around him anymore. It was almost strange how everything had changed. "I wouldn't want to be a burden." he said firmly.

"You wouldn't be a burden at all." Remus's voice was just as firm as Harry's had been.

Harry stared at him for along time, wondering what he should say. "If I wouldn't be a burden then I would be honored to stay with you for Christmas." the relieved smile on Remus's face was worth it Harry decided. A thought came to him. That Remus was just as lonely as he was. They both didn't have anyone, not really. At least not in the family sense, and even the best of friends like Ron and Hermione couldn't completely take away the urge for family.

Madam Pomfrey walked back into the room then. "I think it would be best if you all left and let them have some rest." she looked over at the Headmaster and the others disapprovingly. As if they were the ones to personally injury the two. "You can come back tomorrow, and finish up interviewing and the sort." she said watching as they slowly left.

She turned toward Ron and Harry. "And as for you two, I expect you two to both sleep and call me if anything starts hurting. The pain managing potion that you are both under lasts up to eight hours, so you'll most likely need some more in the morning."

"It's been a long day hasn't it mate?" Ron said a while later while trying to get comfortable, the hospital beds were so damn uncomfortable.

Harry let out a quiet laugh, his eyes adjusting to the darkness and staring up at the ceiling. "that's one way to put it."

"I'm glad everyone's alright though." Ron continued and Harry could hear him breathing. It seemed like he could hear every sound in this room. The sounds from outside, from Madam Pomfrey's room and from their own breathing. It was kind of disturbing.

Harry nodded and then realize that Ron wouldn't be able to see it. "me too." he said making sure to keep his voice low. He didn't want Madam Pomfrey to chew them out. Wouldn't that be a spectacular way to end this damned day?

After that silence stretched over them and Harry couldn't shake off the feeling that now was the right time to tell Ron. To tell him about everything that had been happening since the beginning of the year and even before that. He didn't think he could handle it though if Ron or Hermione thought he was crazy. It was different with Neville, Neville hadn't been through nearly as much as they had but he was working his way up there.

'_If they think I'm crazy then what happens next? Could I handle it?' _Harry took a breathe and gathered all of his courage. "Hey Ron?" the cowardly part of him, the one that said this wasn't going to end well hoped that Ron had fallen asleep.

A few seconds later though he heard Ron's voice, "Yeah Harry?" it was tired, and it seemed like Ron was almost ready to fall asleep.

Harry hesitated for a second before deciding to dive right in, "there's something I have to tell you."

-Chapter end-

* * *

Okay before random and most likely painful objects are thrown at me I'd like to point out that it's ten pages and almost four thousand words. I had to end it somewhere and that seemed like the best part my mind could come up with. I blame it on the fact that yesterday I was raging sick and today's not turning out much better. Anyway I know your all interested so I'll try to get the next chapter out by Christmas or right after it. And I couldn't include Kitty-Edward but I'm almost a hundred percent positive that he'll be in the next one.

Anyway concerning the chapter you all have to admit that there's no way Harry could have really won the fight against Bellatrix. She's an inner circle death eater, and one of Voldemort's craziest if not strongest death eater. Harry probably could have won against a lower rank death eater but not Bellatrix. So the fight scene had to end that way or else Harry would have been killed. And as for Harry's injuries he's not really feeling the full extent of them yet. He's been running on adrenaline and when that wears out. Well it won't be pretty. The part with Remus was actually something I had in the original or it was at least close to it.

I hope you all liked the chapter and if you don't know what any of the spells that they used in the chapter were then just tell me and I'll tell you what they mean.

Once again have a happy holiday or at least a nice winter break. -Clare, who didn't mean for a long author's note again!


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Okay so I thought I'd be able to update around Christmas but apparently my family likes me more then I thought so I couldn't. but anyone here's a new chapter for the new year! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I promise the story will get more full metal alchemist in the next few chapters and thanks to Pichu 172b I think you're the only one who caught the Havoc reference but I'm not sure.

* * *

'_Can I really do this?' _

Harry closed his eyes for a second, wondering if he was about to ruin his life or make it that much easier. It'd be nice to have another friend that new the truth.

'_What if he thinks you're a freak?' _some dark depressing part of him thought, and a flash of panic ran through him. If Ron did react badly….this wouldn't be like fourth year. There would be no way to repair the damage once it was done.

"Harry?" Ron pressed, his voice harsh in the dark.

The other wizard sighed, _I can't do this. It was stupid to think that I can handle this. _"never mind, it's nothing."

His words mended the silence, until it was so quiet that he felt like he was slowly being choked by it all.

_Coward. _

"You're a fucking coward you know that." Ron said sharply, sitting up in his bed. The faint light showing the mix of irritation and anger on his face.

Harry sat up, staring at him for a minute. "W-what the hell was that for?"

Ron sighed. "You we're going to say something. Something important I'm guessing from how long it took you to get your nerves. And now? Your just quitting before I've even said anything. Give me a chance will you?"

"Your going to hate me." Harry argued, wondering when Ron had become so perceptive? It shouldn't have surprised him though, he wasn't the only one that hid things.

The redhead flashed him an indignant look, his arms crossed lazily over his chest. "Why don't you let me figure that out first?" A small fragment of bitterness was in his voice but Harry decided to ignore it.

"Because your just going to act like them!" Harry whispered, looking around paranoid for madam Pomfrey or some other adult to appear.

Ron's brows furrowed in confusion. "Your not making any sense?" he frowned, trying to trace back the conversation. "Who would I act like?"

"Like--Like everyone else!"

_Mum! Harry made a weird light appear! And--he fixed that plate he broke. _

_I-I did not! You broke the plate in the first place. _

Ron looked at him evenly, "Well I don't know how everyone else is acting but I'd rather hear what's going on first." he said lightly.

Harry sighed, "Do me a favor and if your going to be mad then wait until I'm finished speaking. I don't really want to repeat myself, I'm already nervous enough as it is."

He nodded, and stared at Harry patiently waiting for him to begin. 'well?' Ron's expression said, eagerness replacing the anger. It took a few minutes for Harry to start, as he accepted that there really was no way out of this.

"It all started along time ago or at least I think it was a long time ago…"

* * *

"So let me get this straight, your not really Harry Potter or at least you haven't been him for a long time." Ron asked, trying to remember everything Harry had said. It had been strange hearing about parts of his friends life that seemed almost unreal.

Harry nodded, "As far as I can tell yes."

"And you think your some person named Alphonse who died twice to save some random kid that might be related to you but your not really sure about." he clarified.

"Ed." Harry said absentminded without meaning to say it.

Ron stared at him for a second before continuing, "Right Ed. And now your somehow here in a world where people have magic instead of alchemy. And you've been getting all of your old memories back in the form of dreams."

"That's about it."

"hey mate?"

Harry glanced over at him warily. "Yeah?"

"Your life is freakishly screwed up, even more than you thought isn't it?" Ron said a grin threatening to overtake his face.

The other boy sighed and sat back down in bed. "Tell me about it."

"So do you have any ideas why this is happening now?" Ron's tone was quiet, much quieter than it had previously been.

He sighed again and closed his eyes. "Not a bloody clue, Neville's sure that it's completely real though and that I am not in fact delusional but that's just Neville."

For the third time in an hour the room was silent again as Ron tried thinking of something to say. As soon as Harry had finished telling him everything, something had started to bug him. It wasn't the fact that Harry hadn't told him when the dreams first start happening because honestly he probably would have hid them too. Or that it had taken so long for Harry to tell him. No it was something else. Something that was nit-picking his brain and he couldn't figure out what it was. _Professor, I've heard that sometimes incarnations suffer affects from their past lives. _

"_Sometimes the reincarnated person can 'inherit' memories, things that were important to them." _

"Harry, I have a question and it's really important." Ron rushed out, trying to push his thoughts away from that option. There was no way that Harry was… or was there? Well it was Harry after all.

"W-what?" he yawned, staring at Ron with a disgruntled look.

"Would you consider these 'dreams' that your having pretty important?"

Harry stared at him for a second before collapsing back onto his pillow. "UmIguesssowhy?"

"Can you repeat that?"

He lifted his head up, "I guess so, why?" Harry wanted to inch away as far as he could. Ron was staring at him with a strange look and then, was he smirking? What the hell was he smirking about at three in the morning?

Harry did in fact inch away staring at his friend with suspicion. "What's with that look?"

Ron hid a grin. "What look?"

"The 'I know something you don't and it's practically really obvious' look, you know the one you get when you or someone else figures something out before Hermione does." Harry explained dryly.

Ron blinked, " I have that kind of look?" he asked.

Harry nodded.

"What's it look like?" Ron demanded, his previous thoughts forgotten for the moment.

"I don't know, you just give this big smirk on your face, and it's really weird to be honest." Harry laughed. "Anyway didn't you have somethin' important to say or are we going to continue discussing the strange faces you make?"

Ron hesitated, wondering if his hunch was realistic, or even plausible. It was almost like something out of a book. There was no way that Harry was some reincarnated-alchemist. "Never mind, it wasn't that important anyway."

Harry stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. "Alright then."

* * *

"Hermione?" Neville called out stepping into the library with Luna following after him.

"Luna are you sure she said she'd be down here? It's really late and she might have went to bed." he glanced at the smaller girl who was carrying Harry's cat in her arms and humming quietly.

"No, she'll be here. She said she would and the girls from her dorm said she wasn't back yet." Luna said determined, her eyes scanning around the room looking for a sign of the bushy haired girl.

"I think that's her over there." Neville said pointing toward the desk in the far corner of the library, the only one that still had light glowing from it. Books were piled high and low on the table, covering every trace.

Sitting at the table in a dead slumber was Hermione, her face was pressed against her arms in what looked like an uncomfortable position. Beneath her face was an open book and what looked like an extensive set of notes.

Neville let out a quiet laugh. "she was attacked by death eaters, dueled a werewolf-one of the fiercest mind you- and she still has time to catch up on her reading?" he shook his head. "She's unbelievable."

Luna set Edward down and walked closer grabbing the notes and book from the sleeping girl. "Hermione? Hermione wake up."

The brown-haired girl groaned and then sat up looking around blearily. "What time is it?" she asked yawning.

Neville shrugged. "Almost four in the morning."

Hermione nodded and stood up, "Thanks for walking me and now if you don't mind I have to make the long trek back to my dorm." she waved and slowly started walking out of the library with Neville and Edward following her.

"Luna are you coming?" the blonde-haired girl glanced down at the book in her hands one more time before discreetly putting it in her bag and catching up to her friends.

'_this is very interesting, I was wondering when she'd figure it out.' _

* * *

"_Boy! I don't want to see you for the rest of the night!" Uncle Vernon shouted, roughly pushing the small child outside. The door behind him closed with a loud slam. Eight-year old Harry potter stared at the wood with anger. _

"_it wasn't even my fault this time." he muttered, taking a glance at the broken dishes in the garbage can. How was he supposed to know that Dudley was waiting around the corner for him? Or that when he fell the plates would cut him? It's not like he planned it. _

_He knew he wouldn't be sleeping inside tonight, this wasn't the first time he'd been kicked out for a night and as such at least he was used to it. It could have been worse, it could have been winter. But was the hot summer air really so much better? _

_Harry sat up and shoved his hands into pockets that were at least three times his size. Annoyed he started the long walk to the park, it was where he slept sometimes and at least it was some form of shelter. _

_Maybe Dudley would get a conscience and tell Aunt Petunia about the entire thing, set them straight. "Wish full thinking Potter." he said out loud, kicking at one of the stray rocks he could find. "And maybe someone will come and take you away from them?" _

'_Brother could…'_

_He pushed away the tiny voice, lately it had been getting less frequent and frequent until he could practically ignore it. What use was it listening to a voice that didn't mean anything? He'd only get disappointed. There was no brother, no Ed coming to save him. And he'd just have to except that. _

"_Tomorrow, I'll go and try to fix that plate." he said out loud resting his head against the cool metal of the slide. 'Tomorrow things will be better' _

_Maybe tomorrow brother will come…_

"Harry! Hey mate a little help here!" Ron shouted, his loud voice breaking through the dream. A few minutes later Harry sat up trying to shake the last traces of sleep away.

"Harry! Make them stop." Ron hissed as what looked like the twins started to fuss around him playfully, save for Ginny who was trying not to laugh.

"When did they all get here?" Harry whispered to Hermione who had just entered the room.

Hermione let out a small laugh, and then laughed again when Ron glared at her. "I'm not sure, not too long ago. I suppose they heard about the attack and decided to come."

Harry nodded. "I guess that's nice."

_Brother would do the same thing, or maybe it'd be a reverse situation? _

The bushy-haired girl turned to face him. "Harry, Ron and I have something important to discuss with you." she whispered glancing around the room.

"Your pregnant?" he guessed jokingly.

Hermione's face turned a light pink and then rapidly turned as red as any of the Weasley's hair. "That's not funny in the least!" she said hitting him on the arm.

"Get away from me you bastards!" Ron hollered pushing Fred and George away from him. "Why'd you come here anyway?"

"We heard that our ittle brother and dear sister were in trouble." one twin said.

"So we decide to see if you two were alright or just dead." the other finished.

Ron rolled his eyes muttering bitterly under his breath every now and then. "Well you can leave now, because we're all just peachy." he glanced over at Ginny. "And why are you here anyway?"

Ginny glared at him coolly, and then glanced over in the direction of Hermione and Harry. "I was here to make sure that you three were safe and now that I know you are I'll be leaving." she said icily before walking out the door Fred and George following here with the comment of, "So Ginny we heard you've got a ittle boyfriend?"

"Finally." Ron collapsed back onto his temporary bed looking more exhausted then yesterday. He glanced over at Hermione, "Did you tell him already?"

Hermione nodded trying to get more in her stiff chair. "No, I was a bit interrupted." she said glaring lightly at Harry who gave a sheepish smile.

She sighed when both Ron and Harry looked at her expectantly. Did she always have to explain? " Ron and I thought,--"

Ron cut her off. "She means she thought of it and I just agreed because it's a damn good idea."

She rolled her eyes and continued. "As I was saying Ron and I thought that it would be a good idea to start up the D.A. again. We've just been attacked and I think it'd be important to defend ourselves." she didn't really want to tell them that she was afraid, that battle had been disturbing to say the least.

Harry nodded. "It's a logical idea, almost strategic. If we want everyone or almost everyone to survive this war then it'd be best if we could defend ourselves. After all they are fully-trained wizards and creatures with years more experience than us. If we can't get away from them then at least we can defend ourselves until help arrives." he looked up to silence.

"What?" he asked as they stared at him with what looked like-- amazement? Whatever the reason they were staring at him it was starting to really creep him out. "Why are you staring at me like a grew a second head?"

The two glanced at each other and then looked back at Harry debating something silently before Ron spoke, "We didn't know you could sound so…."

"So what?" Harry demanded.

Hermione shook her head. "You just sounded like a different person for a second." She didn't quite know how to put it but Harry had sounded more mature, and yet at the same time younger?

Harry nodded and glanced at them once, a suspicious look in his eye before he turned his attention back to the subject. "So I take it will use the coins like before?"

"It's easier that way and most of the members have their coins still, if they don't though then I can always make more." Hermione said already calculating everything that would be needed to be done. "We can have the next meeting after you two are out of the hospital wing."

As the subject changed evolving into an argument about quidditch Hermione reached into her book bag looking for her charms notes. It wouldn't do well if both of them fell behind? A panic suddenly rushed through her and she stood up, ignoring two exclamations of shock. "Hermione?" Ron asked warily as the brunette looked frantically around the room.

She turned on them. "Have either of you seen a red book? It's very important."

Harry stared at her his eyes still wide. "Umm, Not around here but we can help you.." he was cut off as Hermione raced out of the room muttering under her breathe furiously. "Look." he finished as the door slammed shut.

Ron looked over at Harry. "What the hell was that all about?" he asked and Harry could only shrug.

* * *

Neville was sitting in the common room, trying to no avail to finish his potions essay. It wasn't so much that he didn't understand it. He just didn't think it was that good. At all. Face it, it was complete and utter rubbish and he knew it. If only he could get someone to help. By the time he checked over all the facts it'd be too late in the evening to write anything at all.

"Havin' problems?" Seamus asked glancing at potions essay with sympathy and a bit of distain, potions was his best subject either. Next to him Dean was drawing methodically in his sketchbook, lost to the world.

"You could say that." Neville agreed looking at again. "You could also say that I'm going to fail."

Seamus laughed. "Cheers to that."

"Neville!" Hermione stormed into the common room, her hair whipping behind her and a wild look in her eyes. Neville thought she looked a bit like the Fury's they had learned about in History of Magic Class.

Seamus shifted away from Neville and subtly nudged Dean as the clever girl stopped right in front of them. "Neville I need my book back." she said curtly, taking a moment to breathe.

Neville looked at her confused. "What?"

She sighed, " It's dark red, with slanted writing. It's by Sheska Avro and it's really important that I get it back as soon as possible."

"Sorry Hermione I don't have that book, I don't even know who Sheska Avro is." Neville said warily watching the girl.

Hermione frowned, retracing her steps and trying to think who else had been there that night. Who else had seen that book? A light clicked on in her mind. "Thank you Neville." she told him before racing out of the common room, disappearing as quickly as she had come.

"What was that about?" Seamus asked Neville who shrugged in response.

She pulled her scarf tighter and tighter around her as she walked closer toward the lake, glancing down at the object in her hands every now and then. The air was thick with frost, and it slithered over everything almost making it into a winter wonderland. Once or twice her feet slid and she almost fell but luckily regained her balance.

She only stopped when she got past the snow-covered trees, watching as the lake came fully into view. Some part of her wanted to skate on it but she pushed it away as the other girl approached.

Hermione Granger stared at her, her arms wrapped around themselves in an effort to keep warm even though Luna knew she'd cast a heating charm already. She shuffled closer and then stopped. "I think it's time we had a talk." she said pleasantly, her teeth quietly chattering from the cold.

The younger girl nodded looking quite solemn, "I've been thinking the same thing." she paused and held up the object, the book. "And the first thing we should talk about is when did you find out that Harry is reincarnated."

-Chapter end-

* * *

So it's finished and thank god cause my fingers hurt like….well they hurt a lot. And I did include Kitty-Edward even if it was a cameo appearance. So now it's out in the air Harry is reincarnated, but what next? Even I don't know.

Anyway I will update Freedoms Wings for the people who are asking but I'd appreciate if you reviewed Freedoms Wings instead or if you'd message me instead of just posting a review on a different story. Also I will award a chocolate chip cookie if you guys can figure out where Avro, Sheska's last name came from. (and she doesn't have a last name in the anime so I just gave her one)

Well bye bye


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note: **I've had Exams the past week and then preparing for Exams the week before that, I guess that's the best excuse I have, so wish me luck ^^. Anyway I know lots of you really want to see things more FMA, such as Edward but I'm not sure that's going to happen. I know there'll be a lot more things soon but that's about it. Please enjoy this chapter and thanks a lot for all of the reviews, I never thought this story would get so popular it's kinda shocking to be honest. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hermione's reactions where not like a normal persons, she did not look surprised at Luna's accusation or even angry instead she sighed and looked almost resigned. "If I'm being honest then a month ago, but I wasn't quite sure until yesterday."

"After the attack." Luna said.

"Yes, he seemed almost frantic before it. Worried, from what Neville told me. And he's been acting strange lately." She closed her eyes once. "I got frustrated with him not telling us anything and I decided to investigate it for myself."

"To be fair, I don't think he even knows what's wrong with him." Luna watched the surprise come across her face for a second before it disappeared.

Hermione arched her eyebrows and crossed her arms, her posture more relaxed now. "Really?"

Luna nodded. "Mmhm, I'm sure he knows it somewhere but I suppose he just can't connect the pieces." if she paused she could hear the older witch muttering about idiot boys but she decided to ignore it and go on, it didn't concern her. "He'll figure it out soon."

Brown eyes glared at her almost accusing. "Why haven't you told him?" she asked softly.

"Most likely the same reason you haven't told him. I don't think he can deal with this right now, or at least he couldn't before." Luna began waiting and watching for all of the pieces to add together.

"But he can now." Hermione added, deep in thought. "He's become more mature and you think he can handle it, the truth."

The blonde frowned. "What's past? What's future? Who's to say that there is a difference between them." she ignore the blank look Hermione sent her. "Yes I do think he's ready. And I'm sorry I haven't returned your book."

The other girl laughed. "I guess I can understand why you took it though, it was the only way to get me to come looking for you wasn't it?" she almost grinned at Luna's nod.

She paused, her eyes narrowing. "When did you find out about Harry?"

"I saw something different when school started, he wasn't the same person. But I'm not sure if he's ever been the same person."

Hermione sighed, "I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner, he hasn't been the same since last year. And he's been sick lately. We all thought it was because of Sirius and Cedric. How could know one have seen this? The adults should have realized something was wrong." she said glaring over at the lake.

"They see only what they want to see, how could they imagine he'd be someone else?" Luna advised. "There's no telling though how much he'll change, this isn't the most common occurrence in the wizarding world."

The brown-haired witch nodded. "I realize that. I know his personality could change completely, his looks…his looks!" her eyes widened. "he's been looking different to hasn't he?"

She frowned. "Contacts my ass, his eye's are gold now." she muttered under her breath wondering why she hadn't realized it before.

"Yes Neville told me that, but when I looked they were green."

"I wonder what else he hasn't been telling me." She muttered pulling her robes tighter together, her mind plotting for her next move. What were they supposed to do now?

Was Harry even Harry anymore? Had he ever been…?

* * *

True to her word Tonks came back the next morning, cheery-eyed and with bright lime green hair. "Ready to leave?" she asked a grin on her pretty, proportioned face.

Ron and Harry both nodded, more than ready to leave the wrath of Madame Pomfrey who had become almost incessant in her check ups. Harry supposed that was probably just because they'd already been in here so often that she was worried what else was broken.

Quickly and quite surprisingly, considering Tonks' lack of balance and the boys injuries, they left the room without making a sound. "Freedom." Ron whooped, a fist in the air, completely disregarding that it was still a school day.

Tonks laughed, "That bad?" she herself had spent a great deal of time with Madame Pomfrey. When she was younger her klutziness had been considerably worse and had ended with lots of broken bones and strange strains. Oh yes she understood their situation perfectly.

Harry shrugged and then winced, still not quite healed up. "Not that bad."

The green-haired girl frowned subtly taking in their injuries. "Both of you looked like you've been hit by giants, then flatted again by trolls while a centaur did the flamingo over you." she told them.

"Would you believe us if we said we've had worse?" Ron said, his tone as dry as dust.

"Basilisks, Whomping willows and Spiders." Harry smirked when he saw Ron's wince at the last word. "Giant, hairy-legged, big bulging eyed spiders."

Ron glared at him. "That's not funny!" he snarled, his face turning an ashen pale.

Tonks smiled. "To be honest I don't like spiders that much either." she admitted, small spiders were alright but the large ones?

"See." Ron argued. "Even Tonks doesn't like spiders."

Harry just laughed in response as they walked into the great hall, only a few students and teacher were up this early so they didn't have to worry about _questions. _"Staying for Breakfast?" he asked Tonks sitting down.

"Wouldn't miss it." she said helping herself to some toast and jam.

_What am I supposed to do? _Harry wondered pushing some of his food around on his plate but not eating it. He had already told twoof his closest friends about everything…nearly everything but didn't Hermione deserve to know?

_She'd be good help, wouldn't she? She's the smartest person around. _

_Sometimes though she can't see anyone's opinions besides her own._

_Everyone's got flaws…_

"Harry, mate? You spacing out there?" Ron asked trying not to laugh as his friend came back to the real world.

"Fine, Fine just a bit distracted."

And there it was again, Ron thought, that damn word. The one Harry used like an invulnerable shield.

'_Harry, you just fought a basilisk are you alright?'_

_Fine. _

'_Harry , your raging lunatic godfather is coming after you?'_

_Fine._

'_Harry it wasn't your fault, Cedric died.'_

_Fine. _

Sometimes….sometimes Ron really hates that word. "Alright then." For now he's going to watch Harry because fine is a warning sign one that can only mean nothing good. Nothing good at all.

* * *

"Poppy?" Remus stepped into the big room, silently noting the empty beds of both Ron and Harry. He smiled, shaking his head a bit. He knew they wouldn't stay in here long. He couldn't blame them--how many times had he asked Prongs and Padfoot to sneak him out?

The nurse was in her office staring down at a heavy file in her hand and looking as if she wished she could burn it to pieces. "Poppy?" he repeated stopping at the door and warily leaning against it. His shoulders couldn't handle the pain of moving for very long. The last full moon had been what seemed like the worst in a lifetime.

She looked up alarmed and then in the same second relaxed. "Oh, Remus it's just you." her eyes immediately went back to the files.

"Poppy are you alright?" Remus asked as she made him sit down in the one lonely chair in her office.

The older witch sighed, "I'm not sure. Right now I wish I could take a big hard gulp of fire whiskey." his eyebrows shot up in surprise, one thing Madame Pomfrey was not was a drinker.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad." he reassured her. If something was bothering her it was about one of her students, one of her patients.

She laughed and then shook her head. "Worse, shattered bones, signs of long term physical abuse, possible mental abuse but I haven't contacted a psychiatrist to be sure."

_Abuse? _Remus tested the word. Abuse cases were _uncommon _very uncommon in the wizarding world. He wasn't sure how long it had been since Hogwarts had an abused student. His mind immediately flashed to a dark-haired dark-eyed boy.

He pushed it away.

"Have you told the Headmaster?"

She shook her head again. "I'm getting all of the files in order and I'm waiting for the consult back from St. Mungo's."

Remus winced. A consultation from St. Mungo's could mean no good. The injuries, and the case had to be truly serious to involve one of the best hospitals in Europe. "I take it, you'll also be contacting the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"As the person in question is under seventeen and I minor I have no choice." She sighed again, stood up and straightened her shoulders looking like she was heading to a battle with death himself before closing the file, careful to not show the name. "Care to escort me to the Headmaster's office?"

He nodded and followed her out the room, wondering which child they hadn't noticed the signs.

"Licorice wands." Remus said before they started the long walk up the spiral stairs. For some reason Poppy had insisted that he come along with her. He could understand it though. A child on their watch had been abused, most likely abused since their first year at Hogwart's. It was a disturbing thought all together and he could see how she'd want some support when telling Dumbledore.

"Poppy my dear, how wonderful it is for you to visit me." Albus greeted, his eyes twinkling and a smile on his face. In front of him appeared to be a stack of paperwork and then another stack of letters that piled to the ceiling. "And Remus, I'm glad to see you're looking well after your transformation."

Remus gave him a weak smile before promptly taking a seat, feeling almost like he had in his youth and when he'd been sent back to the Headmaster's office.

Poppy looked forlorn for a second before a mask was placed on her face. "I am not here under pleasant circumstances Albus." her form was tense, and her hands were pale, clenched tight around the file.

The Headmaster frowned, the look fading from his eyes. His hands folded on his desk. "I see, and what is wrong?" the room was silent for a moment, the only sound was the quiet breathing and then Poppy moved,

She set the file down on his desk. "I'm afraid that one of our students has been severely abused." his eyes widened from behind his glasses, and his skin turned a bit paler.

"I've already compiled everything together and I've been trying to look through past medical backgrounds from before Hogwarts but I haven't been having much luck." She continued on, not noticing that the Headmaster wasn't fully listening. His mind still stuck on the first concept.

"Poppy I am not sure I heard you correctly, my ears aren't what they used to be in my younger years." he tried to smile apologetically, hoping that Poppy would not be talking about such a heinous subject.

Poppy sighed. She didn't want to be the one to do this. But it had to be done. "Albus you heard me perfectly fine the first time but I'll say it again. One of our students has been abused, and considering that the victim is a minor a trial must be held."

Dumbledore nodded, and then blinked. Abuse was a serious matter, almost unheard of. He knew it happened in the muggle world. That it was almost normal for it to happen in the muggle world. But one of his students? "How long?"

She pushed the file closer to him, her pale hand still covering the name label. "Everything you need to know is in the file, I suspect that we should call an immediate transaction of custody."

He nodded again, still frowning and then started reading the file. Poppy looked over at the silent Remus. "We should leave for now." she told him, before walking out the room the still quiet werewolf falling her.

The old wizard opened the heavy file, noticing that it was much large and thicker than a medical file should be. A high hazard student? Or an accident-prone one? Written on the first page, was the basic medical information.

_Name: Potter, James, Harry. _

_Date of Birth: July, thirty-first, nineteen-eighty._

_Father: James H. Potter. _

_Mother: Lily M. (Evans) Potter. _

_Blood type: AB Negative. _

_List of current Injuries: Bones in arm are dissolved after being broken, Needs treatment by Skelegrow. Also shows signs of past breaks in his arm and leg,--most likely Childhood injuries from Sports. Other strange injuries include old scars near upper arms and wrists, patient would not let me treat the scars…_

He read and read, growing more horrified with every word and every page. By the end of it his wrinkled skin was pale, his eyes shocked and sunken into their sockets, his bright-veined hands were still clutching the paper when he decided he need to fire-call someone immediately.

He couldn't afford to lose any more time on this…

* * *

"Have either of you seen Hermione?" Ginny asked, around lunchtime.

The boys were sitting in the common room, frantically finishing up their homework for tomorrow's classes. Ron looked up, in the process of finishing his potions essay. "Don't you think if we knew where she was we'd be asking her for help?"

She frowned, "Couldn't you have said that without the sarcasm?" she sat down on the couch watching Harry out of the corner of her eye.

"What are you working on?" she asked trying to see the name of the book. Harry looked up and then closed it, before sliding the book into his backpack.

"Nothing much." He told her before getting up. "I'll be in the Library if anyone needs me."

The redhead frowned again and turned toward Ron. "What's going on now?" lately Ron, Harry and Hermione had been even more secretive then usual and still like last year they wouldn't tell her anything.

Ron looked at her sharply, his eyes narrowed. "It doesn't concern you Gin." he said still writing his potion's essay.

"Why won't any of you tell me anything?" She demanded.

He sighed, "I don't even see why you care. This doesn't deal with you at all, so you should just stay out of it."

Ginny glared at him, looking suspiciously like their mum. "You're always sneaking about, all three of you! Well I want to know what's going on." if she put her hands on her hips Ron would swear he was talking to his mother. "I deserve to know!"

He laughed, shaking his head. "What gives you the right to know?"

She paused, "Because I care about Harry!" her face turned a bit red as she blushed. "And I need to know so I can help him!"

Ron stood up and packed his things, his face turning a furious shade of red. "Maybe we don't tell you things because you act like a spoiled little brat whose done knowing to warrant us telling you a damn thing!" he snapped out before storming upstairs not caring that the entire common room was silent or that they had been listening to the entire conversation.

Ginny gazed at where her brother stood with a mix of shock and anger before settling on anger. "What are you all looking at!?"

* * *

"Hermione?" the older girl looked around surrounded by many towering stacks of books, all worn looking and thick. Her eyes narrowed when she saw who it was and her face tensed, making her figure look stressed out.

"Hello Harry." She sighed closing one of the books she had in front of her.

Harry laughed as he sat down next to her, struggling to see over the books. "I can see you've been busy."

She shrugged. "I've been working on something for a long time and I think I'm almost done with it."

Browns looked over at him playfully though there was something else too. "And what are you doing here? Last time I checked You and Ron still have another hour of frantically doing your homework." she teased.

"I resent that!" He protested playfully still watching and trying to figure out what was wrong with one of his best friends. Hermione looked as if someone was making her bear the worst burden in the world.

And there it was again…that small look, a gleam of suspicion. Harry suddenly noticed the other signs. Hermione's skin was paler, her arms wrapped tight around herself and she looked nervous--ready to jump at a moment's notice. "Hermione? What's going on?" he asked quietly, glancing around to see if any stray students were listening.

She closed her eyes once and then steeled herself, "I'm not sure how to say this Harry but it has to be said."

Harry looked at her all traces of playfulness gone. "If it has to be said then say it, I can handle it."

'_And maybe that's why I don't want to tell you.' _Hermione looked at him, hands folded in her lap. "I know what's been going on Harry." she ignored the look that was part horrified and part shocked, and continued. "And I think I've figured out what exactly has been happening to you."

"How'd you figure it out?" He demanded his mind racing furiously to come up with other explanations that didn't involve Neville or Ron betraying his secrets and trust. _I blew it, that's how she found out. You did something stupid Harry Potter and now your caught.'_

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, once Luna and I compared what we knew-" She was cut off by his loud whisper,

"Luna knows?! Damn it, who else?"

Hermione glared at him, irritation clear in her eyes. "Are you going to shut up and listen or do I have to do a silencing spell?" she snapped out, her patience clearly gone.

Wisely he closed his mouth, one thought racing through his mind. _who let Winry loose? _

"As I said, Luna and I figured out what was going on. You've been acting different lately so it wasn't to hard to figure out."

Harry stared at her curiously. "Hermione what do you think is going on?" he asked slowly.

"Harry you're not…" she began and then was cut off by the sound of the library door opening loudly. Professor McGonagall stepped into the room quickly striding toward them, her face set in stone.

"Potter the Headmaster wants to see you immediately." she said curtly, feeling almost proud to see the two Gryffindors studying. It was a surprise certainly, at least in Potter's case.

"I don't suppose it could wait?" he asked dryly glancing over at Hermione who looked eager and nervous.

She shook her head, "It's an urgent matter."

Hermione sighed and then smiled over at him. "Harry you should go see what the headmaster wants, I'll be in here for a while." she told him already opening a new book from her pile. Harry caught one last look as he left and the title left him wondering. _Reincarnations of the 21__st__ century? _

"Do you know what he wants to talk about Professor?" Harry asked quietly, speaking for the first time since they left the library. If McGonagall heard him she didn't say anything, just increasing the pace of her stride.

"Ice Mice." she said clearly and then stopped indicating that he was the only one supposed to be at this meeting. Her eyes found his and then they softened for a moment but then she turned back into Professor McGonagall. "I'm sorry Potter."

Harry stopped still on the familiar spiral staircase. He turned and wanted to ask her what she was sorry for but McGonagall was already gone by the time he looked. Sighing he continued his trek unaware of what was about to happen next.

-Chapter end-

* * *

Okay so some of you might be a bit mad at me for Ginny in this chapter, I don't know how you all feel about her and I'm not about to ask or care. Ginny right now has no actual connection to Harry, she's just someone with a crush. right now she kind of reminds me of Rose actually, like from the beginning episodes, You know Ginny is very stubborn and oppinonated(sp?) and Rose is like that in the beginning with all her beliefs.. Think about it, Ginny's immature right now but maybe she'll grow up--and mature. she's a what fifteen year old girl? she's got time to not be so bratty. Anyway There's going to be some fullmetal next chapter, not a lot but hopefully enough to tie you over until chapter fifteen. what's chapter fifteen you ask? mwhauhaa. -Sorry about psycho author note, CI.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: **I'm really sorry about this but I've been busy as lame as that sounds and I'll try to be more update-y in the future. Anyway please enjoy the chapter and ignore the angstishness of this chapter. (it's Harry Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist combined, don't tell me you weren't expecting angst somewhere in here)

'_Why do I get the feeling I'm about to die.' _Maybe it was just a strange feeling, or maybe it was the many sets of eyes staring at him as if he was about to head off into battle, _again. _He looked up noticing as most of the adults looked away nervously, glancing back at him every few seconds.

After heading into Dumbledore's office he had seen a message on the wizard's desk specifically asking him to meet up at Grimmauld place for an urgent matter and forty-five minutes later he was still here. Waiting. "I thought you said it was urgent?" he asked looking at Dumbledore who was staring at him with a very sad expression. The only other wizards in the room were Remus, Madame Pomfrey and Kingsley.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, his blue eyes for once were looking solemn, and then the room was silent. Harry held his breathe noticing that not even the ticking of a clock could be heard. Whatever was about to happen he knew, somewhere deep down- he knew it wouldn't be good.

"Can you explain these?" Dumbledore asked in way of talking, his frail hands sliding a thick manila folder over toward Harry. Patiently he waited watching as the boy looked at the name and then looked at him incredulously.

"You have my medical file?" Harry gritted his teeth. "Why do you have this? It's supposed to be private." At least he thought they were private, he'd never known he had a medical file though after all those accidents he figured Pomfrey had to keep a record somewhere.

"Madame Pomfrey was looking it over after the recent attack and noticed a disturbing pattern in your file." Dumbledore began but Harry's mind was still replaying the last part of that sentence.

'_Disturbing pattern…_

_They've figured it out?' _He closed his eyes and ignored the way his hands were clenched into fists. He knew someone would figure it out eventually, the Dursley's weren't exactly careful about it. But…he hadn't been expected to be confronted about it?

_Relax, Calm down. _When he opened his eyes, he was back in control. This was his problem and he wouldn't let them deal with it. "Pattern? What Pattern?" An innocent look was plastered over his face.

"Look at the file Harry." Dumbledore said weariness flashing in his eyes, Kingsley glanced over at him but didn't say anything.

_-Fractures. Past breaks. Possible signs of serious after affects- _Harry looked at them, surveying them. He had to get his story and he had to get it now. "I got beat up a lot when I was little." He said coolly.

Remus shook his head. "Harry these wounds are too serious to be caused by childhood brawls, or sports accidents."

Harry snorted. "You've seen Dudley before haven't you?"

"All of the beatings caused me to develop a condition similar to brittle bone syndrome-I got in fights so often that the bones were practically useless-, which made them easier to break which just added to the problem." Harry continued on as if he hadn't heard Remus.

Dumbledore sighed, "Some of these wounds couldn't have been caused by children, they'd have to be caused by adults." He looked at Harry. "How do you explain that?"

Harry shrugged, his shoulders tense for a second and then he relaxed. "I'm not really sure, it's possible I just kept breaking the bones in the same places."

"The chance of that occurring is very slim, Mr. Potter." Madame Pomfrey said.

He smiled. "I've always been very good at beating the odds."

"Did your relatives cause these injuries?" Dumbledore asked sharply, watching the teenager for any signs of a reaction. There wasn't any.

"My relatives didn't like me very much." Harry said simply, letting only the surface truth appear.

"Did they abuse you?"

Harry looked around the room trying to get some grasp of the situation clearly before he freaked out, before that small emotional part of him broke the dam. The driving issue was that after years of secret keeping it had been hardwired into his brain that _he couldn't tell. You can't tell anyone boy, if you do they'll lock you in a cage smaller than your room. _On the other side, Dumbledore couldn't or wouldn't let this go.

"No."

"Harry." Remus began but stopped when he saw the look on Harry's face, and the way his hands were curled up into fists.

"They didn't abuse me." Harry stared straight at Dumbledore. Letting years of pushed back thoughts come up for a second, thoughts that had always wondered if Dumbledore had known and then just hadn't cared. It wouldn't surprise him that much, you couldn't trust most people after all. And if you did find people that were different how were you supposed to know?

Madame Pomfrey looked cross, her face twisted with sternness. "Mr. Potter you've come into the infirmary over a cross of six years with a multitude of injuries starting in your first year. When you first arrived you were under the weight of a child your age, and had three large bruises on your torso."

Harry stood up. "You don't have to recite my medical history at me, I'd think I'd know it by now."

Dumbledore looked at him. "How bad did they hurt you?"

"They never touched me."

And they hadn't at least not recently, not since the letters had came. They'd only started again when the Dursley's learned that he wasn't actually being watched just the house was. As long as he sent a letter every few days then there was no need to check up on him.

'_There are worse ways to hurt someone then touching them.' _

"Mr. Potter?"

"Most of those injuries occurred during school or summertime-It'd be just as easy to say that someone was abusing me here. Either way no one has touched me recently and the only person you can blame for my injuries is me." He stared back at the blue eyes, wondering how much longer they could drag this on.

"Harry-"

"I'm just not going to say they abused me because you want me too." He looked around the room, trying to control his temper. "Why does this even matter now? We're in a war! This isn't the time to deal with this, I don't have time to deal with this-"

"You're right my boy." Harry stopped talking and looked at the headmaster with something akin to shock; the other members of the room had a similar look on their faces.

Remus looked over at Albus with incredulity. " You can't be serious? You're just going to let this go? He's been abused for who knows how long."

Albus sighed, "Harry you can leave now if you want, McGonagall has already been informed that you wouldn't be back before curfew."

Harry nodded and slowly got up from his chair, keeping one eye on the room as he disappeared through the fire place.

"How could you just let him leave?" Pomfrey asked.

"I am not suggesting that we just sweep this under the rug. I am simply suggesting that we wait. We have no idea how the war is going to affect Harry, just that it _will _affect him. If we push this issue now I feel all we will do is alienate him and that won't help the matter at hand at all."

"You're doing this for his own good then?" Remus asked, suspicion still in his amber eyes.

The older wizard nodded. "I'm trying to help him as much as I can." he said in confirmation. "As much as we all still can."

Remus wondered silently how much help any of them could be to someone who seemed so far away.

'_I can't believe he let me go so quickly.' _He had thought that he'd have to go through many methods of torture, of endless prying and lying before he'd finally leave. Being let go so easily was almost a shock to his system.

Despite the late time Harry stopped at the Library peeking in only to check for his bushy-haired friend. When she wasn't there he accepted that he'd have time to talk with her tomorrow or some other day.

The Fat Lady was asleep as was everyone else when Harry got to the tower so he had no choice but to wake her and deal with her wrath. "Why are you Gryffindors always up at all hours of the night? Violet doesn't have to deal with this." she grumbled.

The common room was for once completely silent, the only sound was the crackling of the slowly dying fire. On his second look Harry realized that only one other person was still down there.

A large stack of books was the only clue on the persons identity but it was the only clue Harry needed. "Hermione? Hermione, wake up."

The brunette stirred and then sat up looking around the room confused. "Harry? Where am I?"

"You're in the common room, you must have fallen asleep." Harry whispered.

Hermione nodded and then looked at him. "I remember now. I was sitting here waiting for you to get back from your meeting."

A feeling of dread filled his stomach at the look she sent him. He couldn't handle another interrogation or anymore life-changing information right now, not after everything else. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"What? Why can't we talk about this now?"

"I'm very tired and I just don't want to talk about this right now. If we do then I'm probably going to say some things I'll regret."

He sighed, "I swear that we'll talk about this tomorrow, besides I could use your help telling everyone else."

"Everyone else?"

"Neville and Ron-they're the only other people who know something about this. But apparently you and Luna are the top experts right now."

Hermione carefully inspected him noticing that Harry looked more worn out than he had in days; dark bags circled his eyes and his skin was sickly pale. "Alright, we'll talk about this tomorrow." She said, making sure that he knew she was absolutely serious about this.

The older witch watched as he sluggishly walked up the stairs, giving a small wave before turning out of sight.

She knew she shouldn't have waited. The longer she waited, the longer it'd take for Harry to accept this. But one more night of peace wouldn't hurt him. Tomorrow he'd have to face this thing.

_It was dark again. It was always dark here. In this place where nothing lived and nothing grew. The only thing around was him and the gate that trapped him here. Before it hadn't been so bad. This time though…_

"_You hate it here don't you?"_

_Can you blame me?_

"_No I guess I can't. but you're not really here after all. You haven't been to this place in a long time Harry."_

…

"_You do know that's not your name, not really. For a year there was a baby named Harry James Potter. And then he died, that was also a long time ago."_

_I'm still alive._

"_Yes you are but that doesn't mean you're him. You've never been him. What was left of him died that Halloween, essentially I died then too. My soul however passed on through the gate and somehow we became like this."_

"_So what am I? You then!" He asked, finally finding his voice in this place. There was no need for talking when there was no one to talk to. _

"_It's not such a bad thing, to be someone like me. You've always been me since then and I've always been you. It's just taken you longer to deal with it."_

"_How did this happen? How'd you split our soul into pieces?"_

"_I don't know. I never meant for this to happen. I wasn't supposed to be reincarnated. My soul was supposed to stay at the gate."_

"_What were you trying to do then? What was worth dying for you?"_

"_Why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?"_

"_It was for him wasn't it…for Ed?"_

"_I couldn't let Brother die, he's done so much for me and he's my brother. You'd do the same for him you know."_

"_Why would I? He's not my brother, I don't have any family except for the Dursley's and they don't count-not in the sense that family should count."_

"_Don't say that. You shouldn't ever say something like that." the other said, his voice scolding. "He's just as much your brother as he is mine."_

"_Just because I have your soul, and your feelings doesn't make it mine." _

"_Why can't you understand? It's been so long and you still don't understand it yet. I'm you and you are me. My soul is your soul and Your thoughts are my thoughts. The only difference between us is that I have all of my memories and you have so few."_

" _And if I get all of my memories back? If I understand all of this and accept it. Then what happens to me?"_

"_For once I don't understand what you mean."_

"_What happens to me when I remember everything? Does the person I use to be just stop existing? Do I have to die for this to happen?"_

"…"

"_Well? Shouldn't you know?"_

"_I-I don't know. Honestly I know as much as you do. How do I know that this wont get rid of me? That when this ends, You'll be the only thing left and I've failed."_

"_Then why are we doing this? Why do you want this to happen so much when you don't even know if you'll survive it or I'll survive it."_

"_If I give up now then it means I failed. Brother saved me and then I saved him, if I die now without him even knowing I survived this far then he's going to spend the rest of his life trying to fix this. Searching for a solution that he won't find. I don't want that for him."_

"_I guess that changes things then. I'm not going to try to fight this. Whatever happens to me then it's alright."_

"_If it makes you feel better I'll try to find a different way for this to work. I don't want you to give up any more things then you've already had."_

"_We."_

"_What?"_

"_We've already had. You said you and I were the same person just with different memories-so I don't want us to give up more then we've already had to."_

"_Thank you."_

The meeting took place the next night, far past curfew, in the room of requirements. Harry paced the floor of the room as it changed to meet his racing thoughts. How exactly did you tell people about something like this? He wished there was a manual or a guide somewhere.

When Hermione entered the room a half hour later he was still pacing, a dark look on his face . "Harry?"

He looked up, "Good Hermione. I need to talk to you before everyone else comes."

The brunette sat down on the armchair closest to him. " What's wrong Harry?"

"I don't think I can do this right now. I think this was a bad idea to start with and honestly have no idea why I thought this would work."

Hermione sighed, "I think that you are possibly over thinking this situation. I don't know what you think will happen but it won't be as bad as you think it will be. We won't desert you for this."

"I know that, I guess but it's still hard to deal with. I'm not sure if I'm ready to handle this thing."

"Don't worry, we'll find someone to fix this." Hermione patted his hand reassuringly before getting up. "I've got a couple things to set up before the others arrive."

Harry looked at her curiously. "Like what?"

"A few books that might help explain this to Ron and Neville. Also I've been researching a few things that might help."

"Harry? Hermione?" someone hissed out.

They both looked up as Ron, Neville and Luna slipped into the room.

Neville looked at them apologetically. "It took Ron and I a while to slip out, Seamus and Dean kept bugging us about where we were going."

Ron grinned. "It would have been a lot less difficult if Neville had kept stuttering about going to meet Luna and Hermione."

Neville flushed red, and Luna sat down in the dark blue chair closest to the door.

"So what's this all about anyway?" Ron asked Harry as everyone else settled into a seat.

Harry shook his head. "It'll be explained in a couple minutes."

He took a breath of air and then started, " You all know something about what's going on." Harry looked over at Luna and Hermione. "Some of you know more than others, but right now I'm going to get you caught up on everything."

"My name used to Alphonse, I don't remember what my last name was or when I was born. I had a mother for a while and my father had left before that. The one person I had entirely in my life was my brother Edward."

Harry talked and talked until his voice felt raw. He told them as much as he remembered; how Ed and he had just missed her smile-had only wanted to hear her voice one more time, how Brother had been almost killed by a serial killer and for a long time he'd see images of Ed dying, how he thought he hadn't existed and had just been a creation to save his brother from loneliness, and finally how he'd given his life for Edward, after they had finally reached their dream.

And then he told them about the things in this life. How until he'd been around ten he'd remembered his brother but nothing else of his past life, how sometimes when he was younger he'd fix things that were broken. That even though he was Harry Potter on the surface he'd always been a part of Alphonse. That he was the same person he had been before the memories came back, nothing had changed.

"What are we supposed to call you?" Ron asked, being the first one to break the silence.

"What do you mean?"

"Well do you want to be called Alphonse or Harry?"

Harry frowned. "I think for now I'll stick to Harry, it'd be kind of weird to change my name after being called it for so many years."

Hermione looked at him with interest. "Can you still do alchemy? From what I've read, many reincarnations still retain some skills from their previous lives; Helga the harried was reincarnated from a 14th century water-color painter and still retained that trait."

"I'm not sure really. I mean I used to be able to fix dishes and make little toys but I always thought that was just me and later I thought that was just magic."

"You could test it out." Neville said. "But only if you want to."

Harry stood up. "I guess I could try it. It'd be pretty useful if I could though."

Hermione was almost bouncing in her seat. "How exactly would you do something like that?"

"I'd need a piece of chalk first, or something else to make the design with." Harry said, somewhat surprised that all of this knowledge was coming back to him so easily. _'I guess it's like riding a bicycle.' _

Hermione passed him a piece of white chalk that she'd conjured moments ago.

"Design?" Ron asked, watching as Harry made shapes with interest and amusement. It looked like a bunch of squiggles to him really.

"Yes. Alchemists use transformation circles to anchor down what they make. In some cases Alchemists don't need them, I've only known a few people to be able to do that. Some alchemists like state alchemists have items that work as amplifiers without having to draw a transformation circle."

Luna nodded knowledgably. "It'd save time on the battlefield if you didn't have to draw your weapon while being attacked."

Harry laughed. "You have no idea."

This was what he'd loved about alchemy. The ability to make magic, to create things and if needed to help people. His personality in both his past and present life was almost entirely selfless with a need to help someone in trouble. Alchemy was his only way to do that and it felt good to finally do it again. It was like going home.

"_Brother do we do it like this?"_

"_Yeah Al, just clap your hands and press down. You have to focus though."_

Neville closed his eyes as a blue light filled the room, next to him Ron protested at the brightness and Luna just shielded her eyes still watching as avidly as Hermione.

"Sorry about that, I guess it's a bit bright if you're not used to it." Harry grinned at them from the center of the room, a tiny silver sculpture sitting in his hands. He passed it to Hermione who was the closest and just watched, content. "What do you think?"

Hermione smiled at him. "It's very amazing, the alchemy and the sculpture."

Ron looked at him curiously. "Hey mate can you do any more or are you tired out?"

Harry nodded. "What would you like to see this time? A statue of yourself?" he teased, walking back towards the circle. "Maybe a monument to declare your supremeness?"

"I think maybe something just a bit more complex than the sculpture will do." Hermione said dryly.

"Right away Ma'am." He smiled at her and this time Ron kept his eyes closed waiting for the same light.

Hermione opened her eyes watching as Harry frowned and looked down at his hands.

"Harry?"

He shook his head. "It won't work."

"What happened?"

Harry looked at the statue still in Hermione's hands. "I pushed it, strained myself by doing to much in a small span of time. It'll be back in a couple of days." '_it has to come back.'_

"Are you sure?" Neville asked noticing that he still looked worried.

"No, but it's not like I can ask anyone if this is normal. If it's not back in a day or so than I'll worry."

Ron grinned at him taking his words as sign that everything would be alright. " Any other tricks to show us?"

He laughed, pushing away the fear that it wouldn't comeback. -He'd be stuck here forever. Never seeing his family again, or his home or more importantly brother- "That's about it for tonight. Besides it's pretty late and I'm going to guess everyone's pretty tired." As if to prove his point Neville let out a loud yawn.

"Hermione do you think you can help me clean up the room?" Hermione looked over at him surprised but then her gaze turned calculating.

"It's not a problem at all, Harry."

As the others cleared out the room each with their own degree of sleepiness and grumbling, Hermione turned towards him, her hands on her hips.

She waited for the door to close shut before speaking. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, not technically."

"Then what's 'technically' not wrong?"

He looked at her, staring into her eyes with a very serious look. "I'll understand if you won't agree to this or if it isn't possible. But you have to understand I have to try."

She frowned. "Try what?"

Harry sighed and then with a great deep breath. "I need your help going back to the other world, my world."

-Chapter 13 end-

**Author's Note: **sorry about ending it there but twelve pages is enough. And remember in chapter 15 we get a bit more "full metal".

I apologize sincerely for my long absence but I've been pretty busy with school, and my family. I swear I'll update more frequently than six months. Guess what though, this story has been around and kicking for a year! An entire year! This is all thanks to you guys, you rock! Next update should be by next Saturday at the latest. I'll update freedom's wings sometime before September though. And I'm sure you all don't care but My birthday passed will I was "Away". So yeah… Bye guys.

-CI


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